Frazzled Working Moms at Home: Forget Balance, Forget Recognition…Seek Inspiration

Whenever I talk to my friends and tell them that I am a stay-at-home working mother, they all respond the same way:
"Oh you're so lucky, I would love to do that!”

And for the most part, I agree with them 100%. And here's why:

--I don't have to dress up. Or even shower.
--I get to spend time with my kids that otherwise would be spent commuting.
--I can work a flexible schedule and always have at least one full day off per week to be with the -kids or take care of errands.
--During breaks, I get to walk my dog on a beautiful sunny day.
--When I'm not too busy, I squeeze in errands, or trips to the gym.
--I am my own boss, and most days, I really like working for me.

But there's a downside. Your time is completely your own (well maybe not, if you happen to have a real boss) but it also feels incredibly divided, distracted, and not always productive. Even though you're at home, you have the license (and wrongly, the self-imposed obligation) to do laundry, clean up toothpaste from the kid’s bathroom mirror, lift weights, comb through catalogs for the latest deals, read the paper, and on and on and on. Those activities can easily take up 150% of your work day if you're not careful.

There's also loneliness. Which means, controlling the urge to log onto Facebook 15 times per hour and texting your friends to find out what they're making for dinner tonight.

Thus, I'm going to write about the triumphs and travails of a working stay-at-home mother, and I expect to hear a lot of stories from my like-minded colleagues who are currently perhaps writing a report for a client while simultaneously feeling guilty about the fact that they've missed volunteering at their kid’s school two weeks in a row, need to get their youngest child in for her four-year-old annual doctor's exam even though her birthday was two months ago, and wondering why the dog just threw up again, for the third day in a row.

I work 25 to 30 hours a week as a writer, editor, and communications consultant to businesses and websites. The rest of my time is spent taking care of the kids, the house, and all those other duties that stack up to remind you that you will never be bored or have a free moment for the rest of your adult life.

I love my flexibility, but sometimes I bemoan my lack of respect. My general feeling is that moms who work part-time from home are not always seen as valuable contributing members of society, but hobbyists. We just do this to fill the time, right? Others who wear nice clothes to work and sit in air-conditioned offices listening to completely useless banter from colleagues during meetings may not always think that we are bona fide professionals. My definition of a professional is someone who is good enough at something—anything—to actually make money doing it.

And my personal opinion is, women who work from home are fearless, multi-taskers who will never waste time in a meeting that has nothing to do with their job. Unless of course, a client is paying you to attend. The fact of the matter is, if you can't be highly efficient working at home, especially if you work for yourself, with piles of laundry and chores tempting you like Godiva truffles, you won't survive. We are not hobbyists: moms who work from home are helping to support their families, maintain their sanity, and contribute to the world. We just do it on odd schedules and we often wear gym clothes and have unwashed hair.

So if you get frustrated when your colleagues don't understand why you can't have meetings on Thursdays, even though you have told them repeatedly that Thursdays are your day off to do errands and spend with your kids, you’re not alone.

To my fellow stay-at-home working mothers: keep up the good work, and remember, it's okay to feel frazzled, out of control and unproductive. That just means you have a lot on your mind, a lot to take care of, and a lot of goals to achieve. It's all good.

Next week: organizing your time. That doesn't mean you need to have a set schedule. It just means, with the hours you have without kids to take care of, make the most of them, and determine the proper balance between personal activities and work activities.

And please, please, don't feel guilty, about anything…aside from not taking care of yourself, or serving partially-hydrogenated, corn-syrup loaded snacks to your children.