When life gets rough, it's time to pamper

In the days before children, when life consisted of a small (yet very comfortable) townhouse in San Mateo, CA, my husband and I, and two very stressful jobs, we became quite adept at pampering. On Saturday morning we’d do the obligatory errands, then exercise, and then the remainder of the day (and Sunday) were committed to hanging out on our "deck" (the roof of our garage), reading, seeing friends, walking to dinner, and in the winter, enjoying a glass of wine by the fireplace. Weekends were bliss.

Once the kiddos arrived, pampering got lost in the diapers, bottles, and mountains of laundry. One lost all track of Monday versus Saturday…and when the small fries got older the weekends became even more busy and exhausting than the weekdays: errands, birthday parties, cleaning, outdoor adventures, play dates, bills.

Yet the fact remains: I still need to pamper myself.
For my husband, pampering consists of the Food Network, a beer, and/or ESPN. I love the simplicity and the consistency of that plan.

For me, on the other hand, I indulge in the following, sometimes even in one day:

1. Exercise. Yes, that's weird, but it is a form of pampering for me. Sometimes it's just a brief jaunt around the block with my dog. Other times it's a nice long run in the morning cool or a swim during the heat of the day. I feel completely rejuvenated when I’m done.

2. Chocolate. I don't have any rules about chocolate. When I need a square, I get it. Morning, noon or night. You’ve likely read about its antioxidants/health benefits but for me, it's that happy little feeling inside that does it for me. In my sedulous research over the years for the ultimate chocolate bar, I believe I have finally found it: Vosges Barcelona Bar.

3. Bath products. I like to say that I take lots of baths… I don't. I used to, but now, it seems to be impossible to find the time nor energy to fill up the bathtub again after I've already bathed and put to bed two energetic little girls. However, I do indulge in comforting lotions and bath gels. They don't have to be pricey. My personal favorite right at this moment is: Burt’s Bees Honey & Shea Body Butter. It's all natural and smells sooooo good. I also love L’Occitane bath oils, lotions, and shower products (for a few more greenbacks).

4. Wine. A glass of red wine in a beautiful stem: Oregon Pinot Noir, Argentinean or Chilean Malbec, Australian Shiraz, California Zinfandel, blends from Ridge. Paired with a commodious, cushioned chair, newspaper or magazine, and no children in sight— that's pretty much a spa experience for me. At about 1/10th the price.

5. Reading. History, biography, memoir, novel, People magazine, the Wall Street Journal weekend section. Those are my top picks. I'm sure that you have your own. On the couch or in bed, even just for 10 minutes—with a book I have successfully transported myself into someone else’s world. It’s magical.

6. Silence. This is rare, but if I remember to do it, I will shut my bedroom door before bedtime, warn my husband not to bother me for 10 minutes, and sit on the floor and just be still. We live in a quiet neighborhood right now so it's easy to obtain this blessed silence. I don't know which is better: the silence unbroken only by an occasional bird, or my immovable limbs. But it's a mini-vacation, for free.

7. Fancy coffee drinks. If I have a slow day I will go down to one of the many quaint little cafés in downtown Golden, order a mocha (with whipped cream, thank you), and sit down and read the newspaper or answer some e-mail. For just a few moments, I feel like an intellectual. And that's priceless.

8. Window shopping. I've gotten over the fact that I can’t spend much money on clothes and accessories these days. It's been that way for a while, and now I actually enjoy popping in to cute little boutiques or meandering through the shoe department at Nordstrom and just looking around at the latest styles. I might buy myself a lip gloss. Or not.

I would love to hear your top ideas for pampering: particularly, activities or items that don't cost a lot of dough. Now don't get me wrong: I love four-course gourmet dinners out, and I'd kill to go on a five-star resort vacation right now. I won't even be picky about the locale: beach, mountains, lakes, city, whatever. But that's for later. For now: it's pampering on a budget.

And you?

Something’s Gotta Give

Just for the record, there's no such thing as "work-life balance." But you already knew that. At the moment, I'm trying to improve my work-sleep balance, yet until we get through with this cross-country move, forget about it. (We are moving from the Bay Area to the Denver area in August, to be near extended family and make a change that we think will be better for our family for the long-term.)

Beyond working (or trying to), researching schools, packing up, seeing friends, and all the millions of details corresponding to moving your family to another city, my state of frazzledom is at an all-time high. Most working parents would agree -- and you don't even have to be moving to experience these feelings of chaos.

My good friend and work-at-home mom Joanna suggested I cover the topic of "what gives" which I have to say is always top of mind for me. We can't "do it all" even though we want to—so it's always a smart idea every several months to take stock of everything you have going on and to weed out a few things. And it's also an even better idea to prioritize how you're spending your time.

For me, here's what's most essential today in my life:

1. Three to fours hours of rejuvenating sleep per night during the week.
2. Spending time with my kids and occasionally even having a conversation with my husband.
3. Exercising rigorously at least 15 minutes per week to compensate for my chocolate habit.
4. Working at least enough to pay for daycare, girls nights, and miscellaneous items like groceries.
5. Reading at least 5 minutes, of any text whatsoever, before passing out in bed.

After that, comes the following:

1. Seeing friends.
2. Keeping the house relatively clean and with a walking path cleared at all times.

Here are the things that I no longer do, and possibly never did:

1. Shower every morning (ah, one of the lovely benefits of working from home).
2. Style my hair and wear cute, coordinated outfits (unless of course I'm actually getting out of the house to do something fun).
3. Make home-cooked meals every night.
4. Chat on the phone with friends and family (other than my mom).
5. Print photos and put them into albums.
6. Volunteer.


It's not that I wouldn’t like doing these things, but there's just no time at the moment.
And that's my message here: what must you keep and what must you get rid of to maintain your sanity?

Decide, before you implode. I'm always curious to know what other people have opted not to do any longer, or still do but in a modified fashion. For instance, I love to cook but most weeknights I am pulling something out of the freezer such as chicken tenders, fish sticks, veggie burgers, or throwing together a quick spaghetti and salad dinner, veggie stir-fry, or kitchen sink burrito. My husband and I don't use recipes too much anyway, but we certainly don't cook anything that takes longer than 10 minutes to prepare during the week. We still eat healthy, and buy fresh produce, but I can't beat myself up over the fact that my work day ends exactly when my kids are starving. There's just no patience for slow cooking around here.

I'm also fascinated by those people who are proficient when it comes to being highly efficient: making their kids’ lunches the night before, laying out their children's clothes the night before to avoid early-morning arguments about why a four-year-old cannot wear her holiday party dress to preschool, doing menu planning for the week and shopping on Sunday, having organic groceries delivered to their door, and a number of other strategies which of course I rarely deploy myself.

One thing I am excellent about, I must admit, is organizing my life on my iPhone. If I don't have all those tasks and calendar items right there at my fingertips, they will be forgotten, neglected, and my life will be in even a more hopeless state of disarray than it is now. Thank you, Apple, and thank you to my obsessive-compulsive, detail-oriented mother for those productivity genes.

What are your secrets? Please, write me and do tell.

I just have one final thing to add here, which is of the highest importance: if your spouse does not equally help with household and kid-related tasks, figure out a way to divvy them up pronto. In our house, I pretty much handle the playdates and social calendar, school details/tasks, homework supervision, doctor appointments, and a lot of the errands and shopping. My husband does a lot of the cooking, folds the laundry, helps clean and pick up, and does the hideous job of taxes and financial management. He also is a genius at playing tickle monster with the girls when I need a break. If your spouse cannot handle such responsibilities, I advise you to find a new one at your earliest convenience. And I'm dreadfully sorry, but mine is not available.