Relationships in tough times

Lately, my husband and I have been hearing about friends who are having troubles in their marriages. Nothing scientific here, but I'm guessing that the toll of the last few years of financial hardship is catching up to a lot of people. Marriages can be bumpy in good times, but when life gets tough -- that's the real test. This is the moment where you must pause and say to yourself: can we get through this if we fight hard enough? And then secondly, do we care enough to fight? This is harsh analysis, I know. Yet getting through tough times -- whether they are financial or job-related, illness-related, parenting-related, or the result of substance abuse or infidelity-- takes a triple dose of unflinching patience, will and faith.

Sometimes, I think that our generation doesn't have the gumption that our parents’ generation did. It's too easy to split ways, find a new mate, and have some breathing room. Truthfully, some of our parents should have never stayed together all those years, but they did because it was much less acceptable to divorce than it is today. The people who were meant to be together and stuck it through, steadily working through the issues, are now enjoying the fruit of their labors in retirement: each other.

What should be the expectation of a long-term relationship, anyhow? If the "wow" factor is gone does that mean it's time to throw in the towel? If you live in Hollywood, perhaps. But for the rest of us -- it's time to be realistic. Will your life really be better off without your spouse? Think about it. If you have kids, it's an especially momentous decision. A few years of less-than-romantic times doesn't mean you aren't still meant to be together. Fighting about jobs and money doesn't mean that you are incompatible -- these are extremely stressful issues whether you are in a relationship or not.

My husband and I have been through some rocky roads the past few years. Yet we have chosen to remain together. Not just because we have two darling young girls who depend upon us, but because I truly believe that we will be better off working as a team than apart. I believe that once we get through some of the current battles, we will be stronger. My patience has been tested many times, yet I always come back to the simple reality that he is my best friend and I love him. I am sticking to that sentiment: that's where we started and even though sometimes the mirror is fuzzy today, it's fundamentally where we remain.

Many others are going through their days of reckoning right now. I wish them all sound decisions that come from the heart and the mind. I'll be writing more about relationships in “modern times” over the coming months. I hope you can share your thoughts!