Frazzled: Tips and Stories from Working Moms@Home

Parenting: The American Way

2012-02-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a little tired of reading how parents in (or from) other countries are superior to American parents. First, we had Tiger mom Amy Chua, the Yale professor who practically beat her children on the head with a stick if they didn't practice piano and violin for five hours straight every day. Now, we have Mademoiselle Mama, the American woman living in Paris who marvels at the angelic behavior of French children, in this recent Wall Street Journal article:

“Why was it, for example, that in the hundreds of hours I'd clocked at French playgrounds, I'd never seen a child (except my own) throw a temper tantrum? Why didn't my French friends ever need to rush off the phone because their kids were demanding something? Why hadn't their living rooms been taken over by teepees and toy kitchens, the way ours had?”

All right, I get the message about waiting. Americans, and especially their kids, don’t appear to value this skill as much as their European counterparts. Sorry, Parisians. Maybe this proclivity toward impatience is why we've had more success in business. However, whenever I hear a mom saying that her 18-month-old still wakes up for a bottle in the middle of the night, I cringe. That's just not good for anyone. Please, allow the baby to learn how to cry it out a little bit so that both of you can finally sleep through the night.

Later in the article, the author alludes to the fact that Americans spend way too much time playing with and attending to their kids: "For me, the evenings are for the parents," one Parisian mother told me. "My daughter can be with us if she wants, but it's adult time."

With all due respect, here is my rebuttal to this latest assault on American parenting:

1. Temper tantrums: what's wrong with these? Frankly, I'm glad my kids had tantrums, even in public places. Toddlers are wound-up balls of energy and if those emotions and erratic impulses don't come out now, they surely will later -- when they're teenagers driving your car and out of sight doing God-knows-what. There’s been plenty of research on the positive benefits of tantrums. I’d much rather my child learn how to express their emotions when they are little, rather than grow up to be a passive-aggressive adult with pent-up anger and self-destructive tendencies.

2. Children who interrupt. Yes, whenever I get the phone the kids invariably tug on my sleeve and ask any number of non-urgent questions. Do I get off the phone? No. I simply ask said child to wait until I'm done. And usually, they actually manage to do so, even if they aren’t quiet about it. It's just not normal for Americans to have conversations with no interruptions. I don't think it's normal for Italians nor Greeks either -- and I think that's okay. Can you imagine if it was unacceptable to interrupt people who cannot finish a thought?

3. Living rooms as forts. Kids should engage in free play. They do not understand that such activity is confined to their bedrooms. And really, do I care that they're building a play restaurant in the dining room? Or that every blanket in the house is on the couch, wrapped around various stuffed animals for the "animal hospital"? I love the creativity and it's worth the mess. My couch pillows aren't too nice to be used for "hot lava” obstacle courses on the kitchen floor. It is tiresome that the house is a disaster more than 50 percent of the time, but at least the kids are using their brain in a healthy fashion -- which is more than I can say about playing video games all afternoon.

4. Independent play. I'm a staunch believer that kids need to learn how to play independently. In the evenings, however, when my girls have been at school and in afterschool activities all day and I've been working, I'm ready to hang with them! If my six-year old asks me to play "Trouble" for the fifth night in a row, I'll do it. The older they get, the less time they're going to want to spend with me, so I’m taking it now. I'll get a lot more "adult time" when the girls are in high school.

Parenting is all about setting the right balance for you and your family. I disagree with the Tiger mom philosophy of relentlessly pushing your kids to excel and not allowing them to engage in trivial activities such as play dates, nor the French mother philosophy of pretending that children are mini-adults. We all have different cultures, economic backgrounds and societal challenges -- which means that there's no right way to parent. Most of us do the best we can. There are days when I know I've been an unpleasant, easy-to-anger mother. I try to move on and do better the next day.

Can Americans do better? Well, yes. Americans are often helicopter parents, for one. I'm not sure why -- perhaps from our in-bred colonial ambition but also because our public schools suck. If we don't stand up for our kids, who will? We Americans can be a loud, outspoken bunch, so naturally our kids may seem like out-of-control, spoiled brats to parents in other countries. But maybe, some of our kids are just, loud? Could we push our kids harder and make them more accountable? Well, yes.

A little of the French way and a bit of the Chinese way is fine, here and there. But I'm an American, and I'll be damned if I won't parent the American way-- whatever that is.

Angry Birds

2012-01-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

My colleague, Kevin Wolf, just wrote some thoughts on his blog about high expectations from both journalists and clients. I think he has some excellent points here. Highlights:

"Before sending a pitch, I read what I can about the journalist I’m targeting. I have about five minutes to spend on this because, in case you didn’t know, we’re targeting about 50 journalists per client at any given time.The pitches I develop are clear and concise. The journalists I target should be interested.

Often times I get an email response, but many times I don’t.

Reporters don’t like to be called, so when a reporter doesn’t respond to an email, I basically have no idea why the story I pitched isn’t a fit. Which means I have zero valuable feedback to share with my clients. Oh, and by the way, clients don’t want to hear our feeble excuses. They pay for coverage, not empty analysis, and many have very high expectations. As a PR rep I’m always trying to “manage” expectations, but usually it comes off as sandbagging. I explain that PR is a process, exactly like sales. It takes time to woo a reporter."

Mending the Angry Rift between Journalists and PR

2012-01-18T10:25:00.000-08:00

Journalists love to rant about PR people. I know -- because when I was a hard-core journalist I did the same. But usually, it was because I was too busy and I kept getting pitches that were totally irrelevant or simply lame and not well-articulated. This was back in the dot-com boom days when the hype factor was at an all-time high and there were way too many highly paid, inexperienced and untrained 23 year-olds doing PR. But lately, I've been reading a few rants of prominent technology journalists that have rubbed me the wrong way. Full disclosure: yes, I do media relations work in addition to my freelance writing work.

One young reporter mentioned in her rant that she wanted PR people to "entertain me!”

Another, more senior reporter, said that he would appreciate it if PR people would take some time to learn about his interests, such as his love of running, travel and cooking. If they couldn't be bothered with that, then maybe the publicity wasn't that important, he added.

Excuse me?

Since when is it the job of the source to entertain and/or comment about the reporter's recent triathlon or vacation on the Cape? When I worked as a technology reporter, my expectations were fairly simple: send me a storyline which is fresh and relevant to my beat, and be clear in the e-mail. That's it. I didn't expect anything else. Why do reporters today expect the royal treatment? I don't know. I suppose they are especially overworked and underpaid today, with editorial staffs and budgets remaining dangerously slim. They want to be treated extra special, in order to reply to an e-mail. But sorry, I refuse to play that game.

Here's what I do think is imperative:

1. Research reporters’ beats before pitching, because these days they do change frequently. Check out their latest links—and this doesn't mean you have to mention them in your e-mail, but understand where the guy/gal is coming from so you can align your pitch appropriately.

2. Don't assume that because a reporter covered something two months ago they still care. Mention the earlier story but share how your story is different and/or adds to the previous story.

3. Be polite and succinct in your communications and do a little extra work -- such as throwing in a few research statistics or quote from an industry expert that relate to the pitch.

4. Be careful about re-sending e-mails. Many reporters hate this although some don’t mind. If you're confident that the pitch relates and you know that the reporter was just at a conference or on vacation, go ahead and re-send it. But otherwise, tread lightly lest you become the "annoying PR person from hell."

5. Understand where the journos are coming from: Yes, you are being paid to get publicity but journalists are fiercely independent, enterprising and curious people. Deep down, they want to find the story on their own, not have it delivered to them from PR and marketing people. So instead of suggesting a specific story to write, suggest some angles and how your source can help.

5. Consider the value of objective, bylined articles from one of your company experts. Send a short paragraph abstract. Do not advertise your company's products, services or benefits. Stay neutral. Websites need content these days, and if you have something new to say that is non-promotional and if you have someone on staff who can write well, go for it. Quick advice: Editors often say that they hate "Top 5" list stories but frankly, they sell with readers because they make for a quick, entertaining scan.

6. Phone calls: many reporters won't pick up the phone but some do. If there's a need to call someone (and make sure there is a good reason), start your call pleasantly with "Hi this is Sam with Widgets, Inc. Do you have a minute or are you on a deadline?" If they say go ahead, then don't spend more than a minute. Quickly state what the company does and what's the news or reason for your call. If they reject your pitch, ask if you can stay in touch about (XYZ topics). This gives them an out to say no thank you, or provides a tip as to when you can reasonably contact them again.

There are many other useful media relations tips, but I believe that these above are the ones that matter most.

Now, a few words for journalists:

1. I know that it's all about page views, but at least in the tech world, journalists frequently cover the same handful of big, name-brand companies. I don't need to list them -- but it seems to me that many small and midsize companies out there deserve a bit more attention. Journalists are surely pushed by editors to continue covering the same story lines, but I wish that writers today could be a bit more enterprising in their coverage.

2. Don't be a jerk just because you can. If you're going to pick up your phone, and give someone a minute or two, don't hang up on them or butt in every 2 seconds. Be decent and respectful. There are, in fact, many smart PR folks out there!

3. If you want to be entertained, cajoled, or pampered-- please, just go to a movie or book a spa appointment. There's really not that many funny marketing people in the world and like you, they’re too busy and budget-constrained to research every journalist’s personal interests and twitter posts.

4. Reply, occasionally. If you receive a pitch from a PR person that is smart, well-crafted and relates to your beat, but you don't have time to cover it, send a quick note back with "thanks but no thanks right now." I know you get a ton of e-mail, but sometimes it's worthwhile to write back. You never know what that person can bring you later.

5. Give feedback. Take a minute to tell a PR person exactly what you want or don't want, if he or she is someone that you'd like to continue to hear from down the road. That way, the next e-mail will be more targeted to your needs. You might say: I wouldn't cover your company nor its products outright, but I might cover one of their customers if they can demonstrate (XYZ characteristics/trends)

PR and journalism will always have an antagonistic relationship-- and that's good. But managing expectations on both sides of the fence can help us all be more productive.

I'm Still Here

2012-01-05T18:44:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't blogged for a while, but I will, soon. #holidays, #sick, #overworked.

P.S. Did you know that Moms DO get sick sometimes? But unlike when our precious children blow their nose for the first time, we ignore it for two weeks before dragging our tail to the family doc at which point a simple virus has progressed into a full-blown bacterial infection requiring two expensive pharmaceuticals and ample rest time. As if.

Control Queen: Part II

2011-11-23T07:56:00.000-08:00

My puppy died a few days after writing that last blog post. I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and asking why (a control queen characteristic) and starting to accept the outcome. He must've been needed somewhere else, for some purpose forever unknown to us. We loved him for a few very short and blissful weeks! God bless you Parker. Now you are a sweet puppy angel, with no suffering.

The Control Queen

2011-11-10T10:16:00.000-08:00

It is time to admit that I have inherited certain traits that are not entirely pleasant. Shocka! I loathe uncertainty, and suffer from a tooth-grinding need to understand that things are headed in the right direction, at all times. Never mind that this is a rather unrealistic approach to life, which rarely works out in favor of the controlling personality—it's how my brain is wired.

On the other hand, an individual with controlling characteristics can be highly organized, productive, and handle many responsibilities at once. They can also be annoying to themselves and others and create unneeded stress by sweating both the small AND the big stuff.

We adopted a yellow lab rescue pup a few weeks ago, and despite being the cutest furball on the planet, he has come with a very high price tag. He's been in and out of the animal hospital with serious infections from the first day he entered our home, and was unfortunately diagnosed with distemper. This nasty virus apparently kills half of dogs that contract it -- and we are in the gray area for a few more weeks.

Sweet little Parker has finally overcome his pneumonia and respiratory infections, but lately has developed a twitch, accompanied with heartbreaking whimpering. Is this the beginning of the end? I cannot know. We are doing everything we can for this dog -- lots of love, an aggressive treatment regime, high-quality food, a comfortable bed, fresh air and the best of veterinarian care. The vet bills are now taking place of a possible beach vacation for us next year, but I don't care if he can just survive. I worry incessantly. The Ambien is out of the medicine cabinet again. Will he make it? Is he in pain or just annoyed when he whines? These are the worst kind of unknowns. I'm going to have to just let it go -- even though letting go is definitely not my thing. I come from a long line of hard-charging matriarchs who don’t accept no for an answer!

Our need to control must relate to the fundamental fear of something bad happening. It's not as if nothing bad has ever happened to me, right? I'm still here. If I can tone down my control queen tendencies, I’m sure I can deal better with any outcome and the journey, too. What do I need, people-- more yoga and green tea, or a psycho-therapist?

Social Media: a Waste of Your Company’s Time?

2011-10-05T07:48:00.000-07:00

By Polly Traylor

There's a wealth of content on the Web about how to maximize your social media presence and gain the most from this exciting new media. But wait: should your business spend much time on social media in the first place? For small companies, the ROI can be tricky. You probably have a small marketing staff, and it's unlikely you can dedicate even one person to a social media program. Despite popular messaging from social media pros on the ease-of-use and affordability of social media, it's actually a time-consuming and increasingly complex marketing vehicle. If you want results, you'll need to spend time on quality content, regular updates, community interaction and integration of your social media pages with SEO and overall marketing strategies. You've also got to keep pace with new features and privacy issues of top social media channels. Can you justify the time?

The first determination is whether your customers are hanging out on social media -- and on which sites. Do your targets regularly use social media for researching products and services in your space? If you're not sure, you'd better find out.

Secondly, you need a distinct plan and a strategy. Most marketing experts don't advise ad-hoc social media posting. How will social media fit into your overall marketing program?

Thirdly, you have to measure social media marketing efforts regularly. This is usually not expensive -- but it does take time and diligence.

Recently, I wrote an article for Business on Main, a Sprint-sponsored community for small businesses on the MSN network: "Are You Wasting Your Time on Facebook and Twitter?”. The story was an attempt to shatter a few myths about social media marketing. Here’s an excerpt:

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"The cost issues are critical for a small business," says Paul Verna, senior analyst with eMarketer. Larger companies can afford to hire an agency or even a team of people to handle the time-consuming chores of creating content, making regular updates and monitoring corporate social media pages. A small company may only have a part-time resource. “Even having one person dedicated to your social media profile better have an intense payoff at the other end," Verna warns.

It's no wonder that a recent Hiscox survey of more than 300 participants found that just 12 percent of small companies described social media as a "must" for their marketing and promotional strategies, and nearly 50 percent of respondents aren’t using social media at all.

"Most people go on Facebook to connect with people like family and friends or to play games, and they really don't care about your ball-bearing company," observes Mark Schaefer, a blogger and consultant in social media marketing. "At the end of the day, you have to go to where your customers are.”

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While social media can be a useful investment for many small businesses, Facebook and Twitter aren't always the top choices. Twitter is an excellent vehicle for science and technology companies and communities. Facebook can be fantastic for consumer goods and services. But don't forget: there's also LinkedIn, YouTube, Yahoo and AOL communities, your company's blog, industry discussion forums and local social media sites. As Facebook and Twitter grow larger, their steady flow of new features may be overkill for small businesses. This article on Social Media Today does a nice job of outlining the issues with Facebook, and offers some helpful alternatives.

Before jumping into social media, understand your choices, customer preferences, and if social media is likely to meet company goals. If it still seems worthwhile and you know which sites will resonate with customers, start small. Once you start posting regularly and develop a community of followers, you have set an expectation for activity.

Getting Outside of the Box

2011-09-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

How many times in your career has someone asked you to step away from your desk and… "Think Outside of the Box!" I've always hated that phrase. Who says I'm in a box, anyway? I like to call my life a cruise ship -- although it's not always as much fun. There's a full agenda on my ship most days: meetings, appointments, errands, social gatherings, work deadlines, after-school activities, homework, housework, volunteer work, and yes -- even exercise. It seems to never end. Yet at the same time, sometimes I think my thought patterns are in a rut. It's easy to find yourself feeling as if you’ll be doing the same damn thing for the rest of your life.

That "same damn thing" might be raising your kids, helping elderly parents, or maintaining a career track that you've been on forever and which would be way too difficult (expensive, time-consuming, stressful) to change now. Take heart: life does change, and usually when we least expect it.

But you have to rock the boat a little bit, once in a while. This fall, I started coaching an after-school girls running program called Girls on the Run. The program (a national non-profit) targets third to fifth-grade girls, who might find themselves stuck in the "girl box."

The girl box is a nebulous concept but it contains anything yucky: kids are saying mean things to me on the playground; I don't have the cutest, latest clothes; my teacher gave me a dirty look; my best friend is playing with someone else this week; I am the worst kid at soccer during P.E., and a million other reasons why, sometimes, it's hard to be a girl.

Talking to these young girls about their "girl box” issues makes me think about my own box: I’ll never have time to write a book, I will never be a good cook, I am too hard on my daughters, I am not positive enough, I am a nagging wife… the list goes on.

I'm beginning to think that this community service coaching gig is going to help me more than the girls. They’re funny, they smile a lot, and with a little encouragement, they'll try just about anything.

If that's getting outside of the box, I think I can handle it.

Crowdsourcing: Outsourcing on Steroids

2011-08-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

Recently, I wrote about crowdsourcing for one of my clients, a small business-focused site called Business on Main, on the MSN network. It’s fun for me to write about how the Internet continues to change everything including business models and how work gets done. Crowdsourcing isn't for every business, but it does seem to apply to many diverse business tasks.

I answered a question on the site about how crowdsourcing can help a small business, which I'm reprinting below. I'd love to learn more about how small businesses, even consultants like me, are using crowdsourcing:

Is crowdsourcing appropriate for activities such as PR, marketing communications, and even, journalism? What cool examples have you seen?
Is the crowdsourcing "member" (a.k.a. worker) getting screwed financially from these arrangements?

It seems hard to believe that some of these contractors aren't losing money -- but others, if they are smart, might be getting more volume in exchange for a lower project fee, and coming out on top.

If only I could use crowdsourcing to get my house in order and laundry done every day.

Anyhow, here is how I responded to the Business on Main question. What do you think?

[Reprinted from MSN Business on Main]

Sites such as CrowdFlower, crowdSPRING, Trada and uTest enable a business to complete projects using the collective intelligence of a knowledgeable and skilled community. Instead of spending hours finding the right contractor to do a job, such as designing your website or translating copy into Japanese, post your project on a crowdsourcing site and then review the bids from people who have been pre-qualified.

Crowdsourcing can save you time looking for skilled workers, and may be more affordable, too. “It is usually cheaper, up to 30 percent less than offshoring,” says Matt Johnston, vice president of marketing and community at uTest, a site for software testing.

Companies often find they get as good or better quality results with crowdsourcing. Depending on your needs, you may have a virtual team of people working for you on one or many projects. "Crowdsourcing allows you to tap into the creativity and diversity of an entire community," Johnston says.

Sarah Harris, marketing manager for Norman’s Rare Guitars, says she had mediocre results with freelancers before using crowdsourcing. She used crowdSPRING to source a logo design and Web design project, and was delighted with the result and the service. “I had a lot of revisions for the designers and they were all receptive and completed everything so quickly,” she says.

As crowdsourcing has evolved, there seems to be an unlimited number of ways a business can use it. Beyond Web design, marketing and software development, companies are using crowdsourcing to make videos, do fundraising, conduct market research, transcribe audio files, take customer orders and provide customer support, and even to solicit ideas for new products and services.

Crowdsourcing is a novel and efficient way to hire experts for short- or long-term projects. Give it a try, but don't shortchange the processes you use for hiring contractors on your own. Provide ample guidance up front about your business and goals when requesting bids for a project, says Niel Robertson, CEO of Trada, a site for paid search advertising experts. “If you frame the problem better, you can get much better results," he says.

The Home Office: Haven or Hell?

2011-07-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

You happily left the serenity of your air conditioned office to work from home, so you could have more quality time with the kids. Now instead of the boss, the little monsters are yanking your chain. Did you make a big, sticky mistake?

Today, my friend Howard shared with me a San Jose Mercury News story about the challenges of stay-at-home working parents. I don't know why he thinks I would care -- after all, it's not like I work at home and have two loud youngsters or anything. Oh, wait. It was the dream I had two nights ago about working in a quiet office wearing grown-up clothes that was untrue.

On most days, I wouldn't give up my situation for anything. Instead of spending two hours a day dressing, primping and driving to and from an office, I maximize time with my kids. I get to go to their swim meets and baseball practices and help them with homework after school. I save money on gas and nice outfits. I am my own boss and for the most part, set my own schedule. I almost never have to attend a useless meeting instead of working out.

Even so, summertime has reminded me how distracting and unproductive working at home with kids can be at times -- even, or perhaps because of, hiring babysitters. Here's an interesting quote from the Mercury News article: “A recent study by TheBump.com and Forbes Woman showed that, while 92 percent of working moms are stressed out, 89 percent of stay-at-home moms feel the same way. Parents say much of the stress comes from trying to give both work and kids enough time, especially when children are used to getting attention when mom is around.”

Kids find you like a heat-seeking missile when you least expect nor want them. They are genetically wired to interrupt you during an important business call or deadline with a screaming crisis concerning misplaced items or a dessert emergency. The worst arguments between siblings always seem to happen when you're swamped. Babysitters are by and large inept at keeping children occupied with acceptable activities and out of parents’ offices, unless they are over the age of 25, and with significant life experience. Good luck there! Grandmothers are often not much better. The smart, creative, nurturing, patient and highly responsible babysitters are usually former teachers and you can't afford their (deserved, granted) astronomical hourly rates. To be blunt: sometimes it's a real pain in the ass to work from home.

Sadly, I have no advice to share about this, after five years of doing it. But if you're a parent and thinking about giving up the office job for the blessed home-office gig, think twice. Do you have the balls to maintain discipline, clarity of purpose, and when needed, install and use the lock on your office door? Can you discover a coping method for the madness of working when the kids are home, other than twisting opening a bottle of Jack?

If so, enjoy the ride. It's fun, rewarding, and challenging to work from home -- but it's rarely smooth.

Getting Organized…Or Not

2011-06-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I was planting some bright orange cosmos in my garden, freshly purchased from the nursery. My daughters and our babysitter were quietly coloring with sidewalk chalk, when suddenly my eight-year old daughter looked up and asked: "Mom, why are you gardening when Ila is here instead of working?" I told her that I was waiting for some clients to answer e-mails, and I couldn't move forward on work until they did. Always the responsible one, she prodded: "Well, maybe you'd better go check your e-mail again now?"

When work slows down for a few days or a week, it's hard to know what to do with the spare time. I could have exercised, but I did plenty of that already over the weekend. I could have folded the pile of laundry that's been sitting on my couch since last night. I could have even cleaned my desk and filed away the stacks of business documents and the kids’ artwork that have been gathering dust for a month. I could have done a lot of things to make my life more tidy. Instead, I high-tailed over to the nursery for the cosmos, two packs of begonias, a large bag of cedar mulch and some helpful advice on my wilting columbine flowers.

When it comes to client work, I am Little Miss Organized. I keep meticulous notes about projects and contacts. I color-code my e-mail messages according to whether they are personal, related to kids, urgent, or for networking purposes. Long-term clients get their own special e-mail folder. I do not miss deadlines.

When duty isn't calling, however, I'd rather have fun. My college roomies can attest to my apathy for household activities. Warning notes were constantly posted on my bedroom door about what I didn't clean that week. Once, I found dirty dishes on my bookshelf. It's likely that I was at the beach or going on a nice long run instead of loading the dishwasher. (Who can blame me, really, considering that I attended the University of California, Santa Barbara)

I've come to believe that people who have a spic and span desk are also the same people who vacuum the insides of their cars every week. This is not me. I envy them--- but I will never, ever be like them. And that's just gonna have to be good enough for me. My dog Bo (pictured here) is fine with my choices.

He never misses his daily walk.

A New Philosophy on Diet And Exercise: Don't?

2011-05-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't exercised all week, unless you can count 10 minutes in the "home gym" screwing around with my 6-year old last night. I have been beating myself up for the last few months for my steadily declining regular exercise regime and a perceptible increase in alcohol units. This doc below (name unknown) is putting my heart at ease. God love him!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Consultants and Writers: Be Transparent, Avoid Conflict of Interest

2011-04-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

As a freelance writer who also has PR and marketing clients, I have to be transparent in my work. I do not cover companies that I represent, for instance. I do not contact interview subjects for marketing work. However, if they contact me: great. And I will never interview them again. A good friend and former colleague of mine once said: "Keep everything in the sunshine." That's a good rule of thumb, to avoid potential conflict of interest.

Today, whether you are a consumer of online information, a creator of online information, or both, there are risks. Can you trust the source that you are reading for objectivity? (Blogs with generic names are often co-sponsored or owned by companies. Look for the fine print.)

Random bloggers with "news" sites are often just rewriting press releases. Read carefully.

Freelance journalists are not always what they seem.

Anyway, I do believe it's possible to write objective articles and also do PR and marketing work, as long as those two activities remain separate. I've been doing this for several years now. Check out the blog that delves deeper on this which I wrote for TGPR, a virtual PR agency in Menlo Park, California, whom I have been working for since 2009.

I'd love to get your thoughts about how lines are blurring and how this affects your work.

Wasting Away in Messageville

2011-03-11T14:14:00.000-08:00

I spend anywhere from 30 to 40 hours per week working at my computer. A few years ago, life was comparatively simple. Open up inbox, send e-mail, receive e-mail, file e-mail, complete tasks. Send text messages, but only to friends. But now, I feel like an old boat without a sail, hopelessly adrift.

A few of my clients have set me up on their corporate Google e-mail. Sometimes I receive an e-mail to the Google account, and sometimes to my Comcast address. I am never quite sure how to respond, or which account to check first. (Yes, I did ask said clients for preference, but the advice never came)

Other clients have set up project sites to share information and tasks. But again, it's hard to know, when to use that site versus simply, e-mail.

And then there's Twitter and Facebook. Should I DM her or retweet? Send him a Facebook message or write on his wall? I have many contacts in LinkedIn who are not close acquaintances. Should I e-mail them through LinkedIn, or send them a note to their work email? Maybe I should just pick up the damn phone.

Call me a Web 2.0 Luddite, but how many hours a week am I wasting trying to figure out which contact method to use? Those brain cells could be used more efficiently, such as, to write something magical for a client.

How do you deal with the "communications" challenge? Please, don’t tell me I need another tool.

You can reach me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google, and Skype. And oh, email.

On Wishes, Dreams and Pet Projects

2011-02-13T10:07:00.000-08:00

When we graduated college, we all had grandiose dreams. Then life got in the way. We got ambitious, and decided to climb the ladder. Maybe we moved around for different jobs. We made new friends, traveled and experienced all kinds of adventures. Pretty soon, some of us found a life partner. We got married, took an overpriced honeymoon, got domestic, perhaps got a little crazy because we knew kids might be coming. And pretty soon the kids came. The babies took over our lives and our emotional state of being. The days consisted of laundry, feedings, doctor appointments, blockading toddlers from every possible danger in the house, preparing healthy organic meals for growing bodies, baby gym, baby swim classes, baby art, teething, exhaustion. Then the kids got older and started school, giving you 6.5 hours of uninterrupted work time. That's liberating for a while....but then one day you stop in the middle of writing an email and remember the dusty old dream. You post a note on your office wall with the dream in bright letters...and it sits there for a few months. You begin to hate the note.

Then one night you set your alarm for 5 a.m., and the next morning you get up after hitting the snooze button five times and start working on your dream. Some days you don't get up, or your work takes over, but the next day you get up and go at it again.

It doesn't matter matter what your dream is: maybe it's getting in shape or learning how to make the perfect crème brûlée or going to church again. Maybe it's writing a book or novella, which is mine. A dream may change over time, but the point is: pick one no matter how small or big and work on it until it's done or until you've realized it wasn't the dream your really wanted after all. If that's the case, change your dream into another pursuit. I have no idea where my dream journey will lead me or if I will abandon it eventually. I'm afraid about giving up in boredom and disillusionment, or not having the time or energy to keep chasing after it. I am deeply afraid of failure.

Our lives are filled to the brim with work, family, parenting and trying to stay healthy so we can meet our grandkids someday. It often feels like there's no room for anything else. But if you can, make time for that something else. It might lead you somewhere completely unexpected.

Happy dreaming! What's yours?

How to Keep the Good Clients

2011-01-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t long ago when I was happy to keep any clients that came my way. Now, I have the luxury of focusing on the good ones -- the ones with smart and supportive people, challenging and consistent work, competitive rates, and of course, who pay on time.

I haven't always been the most diplomatic person. Sometimes, I have to fight my tendency to speak my mind. Working with clients of all temperaments has helped me to be more adaptable, flexible and might I say, a people-pleaser. Because at the end of the day: the customer is always right. Well, almost always right.

Here are a few ideas I have for keeping favorite clients happy. What are yours?

1. Respond quickly. My top job as a service provider is to be an excellent communicator. When a request comes in, even if I can’t tackle it that day, I reply as soon as I can so they know I’m on it. If I don't understand what they're asking of me, I clear that up right away and also make sure I understand their deadline. If I can’t meet it, I’ll always ask if there’s any leeway before flat-out saying no. Very rarely have I had to refuse a client request based on the deadline.

2. Be a perfectionist--or try. My second top job is pretty simple. I treat every job the same -- matter what I'm getting paid. If I agree to write an article, I'm going to make sure it's the best content I can possibly deliver in the timeframe and with the materials provided. I try hard to understand their goals and audience, and make extra effort to minimize work on the client’s end. I'm human. I can't catch everything, but I feel I owe it to the client to proof my own work a few times before the client sees it.

3. Be humble. The client is the expert in their field, not me. I try to get as much information from them about their industry and needs as I can, and I don’t pretend to know something that I don't. If I know I'm right, but the client thinks I'm wrong – I bite my tongue. After all, they're paying for the work and they make the rules. If I make a mistake, I admit it, and then we can all move on.

4. Don’t nickel and dime. It's okay and probably a good thing to occasionally do something for free. If the client has 30 minutes of extra work at the end of a project and I have already sent in the invoice, no problem. If the client wants to do a third or fourth revision, I do it. Once in a while, I have to set a boundary. But for a good client, it does pay later to go the extra mile today.

5. Have fun. If you have a sense of humor and it's clear that you enjoy your work, it rubs off in a positive way on your clients. Don't take yourself too seriously: try to get to know your clients a little bit. If you're a pleasant and interesting person to work with, and you deliver excellent work to boot, they're going to keep you around.

One of the toughest parts about being a consultant/freelancer is managing expectations. When you have multiple clients, sometimes they all want something from you at once. That can be stressful. Or, they may ask for something that's just unreasonable during the timeframe of a project. Those are the times when you have to get diplomatic and make sure you're not setting yourself up for failure. You may have to negotiate a little, but still ensure that the client knows you have a “can-do” attitude. It's a tricky balance, but nurturing client relationships is just part of the job.

Santa gave me an iPad

2010-12-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

And I didn't even ask for one. How about that? It's genius simplicity. Nothing more to say. I know 2011 will be even more productive...and fun. Happy New Year!

It's official: I'm a cheapskate but I want an iPad.

2010-12-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

I don't usually succumb to the latest gadget trends. I bought the second generation iPhone, which I still own. I keep my computers as long as they keep running. We were probably the last person in our town to buy a flatscreen TV. Never got an iPod. Not that I don't like new technology -- but I guess I like spending my scant extra cash on vacations. Anyhow, back to the topic of my obsession: I am out and about so much in the afternoons shuttling my kids around while also trying to keep up with work that I can hugely see the potential of having one of these overpriced large-format iPhone's. I think that could happen next year. I can't even begin to think how my kids are going to freak out when they see it on the kitchen counter. Watching movies at Grandma's house while Grandpa watches football? Killer. A little online shopping while the kids are in gymnastics? Nice. Emailing and reading in bed at the same time? Aaahhh.

Technology: sometimes it' a true pain in the butt (if you read my earlier posts about home laptop maintenance) yet I have an instinctual feeling that the iPad is only going to bring me joy. Unadulterated, intellectual, free-spirited joy.

Happy Holidays friends!

Giving thanks

2010-11-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

Until I have something more thought-provoking to say (yeah right), here's my list of thankfulness for this year.

Healthy, smart, fun-loving kids
Patient husband who really knows how to cook
Friends, near and far
Health
Great Clients
Hiking trails
Running shoes
Chocolate
Wine
Books
and let's not forget, Freedom!

For all our troops on distant shores, Godspeed. Special prayers to the families of Marines who have recently lost their lives in Afghanistan. And all those members of the military who have passed in the last year.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families. Give thanks for what you have and give hugs to everyone you love.

Relationships in tough times

2010-11-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

Lately, my husband and I have been hearing about friends who are having troubles in their marriages. Nothing scientific here, but I'm guessing that the toll of the last few years of financial hardship is catching up to a lot of people. Marriages can be bumpy in good times, but when life gets tough -- that's the real test. This is the moment where you must pause and say to yourself: can we get through this if we fight hard enough? And then secondly, do we care enough to fight? This is harsh analysis, I know. Yet getting through tough times -- whether they are financial or job-related, illness-related, parenting-related, or the result of substance abuse or infidelity-- takes a triple dose of unflinching patience, will and faith.

Sometimes, I think that our generation doesn't have the gumption that our parents’ generation did. It's too easy to split ways, find a new mate, and have some breathing room. Truthfully, some of our parents should have never stayed together all those years, but they did because it was much less acceptable to divorce than it is today. The people who were meant to be together and stuck it through, steadily working through the issues, are now enjoying the fruit of their labors in retirement: each other.

What should be the expectation of a long-term relationship, anyhow? If the "wow" factor is gone does that mean it's time to throw in the towel? If you live in Hollywood, perhaps. But for the rest of us -- it's time to be realistic. Will your life really be better off without your spouse? Think about it. If you have kids, it's an especially momentous decision. A few years of less-than-romantic times doesn't mean you aren't still meant to be together. Fighting about jobs and money doesn't mean that you are incompatible -- these are extremely stressful issues whether you are in a relationship or not.

My husband and I have been through some rocky roads the past few years. Yet we have chosen to remain together. Not just because we have two darling young girls who depend upon us, but because I truly believe that we will be better off working as a team than apart. I believe that once we get through some of the current battles, we will be stronger. My patience has been tested many times, yet I always come back to the simple reality that he is my best friend and I love him. I am sticking to that sentiment: that's where we started and even though sometimes the mirror is fuzzy today, it's fundamentally where we remain.

Many others are going through their days of reckoning right now. I wish them all sound decisions that come from the heart and the mind. I'll be writing more about relationships in “modern times” over the coming months. I hope you can share your thoughts!

Ok. let me clarify...

2010-09-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

It's possible that my last post was a tad, er, ungrateful. Summer is critical for kids. I have many happy memories of summers swimming, camping and road trips with my family and playing in the sun with my friends. And, I reduced my work schedule this summer to a 3-day week so that I could spend time hanging with my girls. So to make things clear: summer is still awesome. But, well, read on...it sometimes is a real pain in the arse for the working parent...

The End of Summer: At last, I can work in peace again.

2010-09-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a long summer. Yet, it went by so quickly and the kids are back in school and busy with homework and activities like it never even happened. Thank God.

The older I get, the more I realize that summer is like Christmas. So much anticipation, a blur of excitement and chaos, and then a large sigh of silent gratitude when it's over. September has become my new favorite month.

I didn't always used to feel that way. For my entire life, summer has been my favorite season. For one, my birthday is in June. Then there’s swimming, hiking, trail running, lounging by the pool with a book, biking, dining al fresco, margaritas on the patio, barbecues with friends, warm evenings and long days, ice cream, fireworks, festivals and outdoor concerts.

Funny though, how my opinion has changed now that my children have become of school age. Now, summer is a constant juggling act of trying to maintain the steady flow of deadlines (clients don’t take summer off, nor do the bills, after all) while managing the babysitter, the changing daily schedules, changing daily activities, camps and all of their unique requirements, and young children who must stay up until all the other neighborhood kids finally go inside at 9:30 PM. Or later.

Yes, summer’s over, but I’m getting tired just thinking about it again. The last few weeks of summer vacation are particularly straining. They remind me of the final days before my wedding: Oh, we forgot to do that! Shoot, we forgot to invite them! And then of course, the kids complain about their rotten choices for the day (no amusement park? no movie? no three-ring circus?) or fight over silly bands and who got the largest scoop of ice cream. They fret that school is about to start again -- yet secretly, they're about as excited as the parents. Secretly, the kids wonder what happened to their parents, who now look like walking zombies from staying up late every night due to their incredible lack of focus during the day.

We are three weeks into the school year now and for the parent who works at home, it's heavenly. For a solid seven hours, the house is blessedly quiet. There are no children storming into my office demanding better snacks or worse, better babysitters. Productivity is at an all-time high. The kids are in bed at 8:30, no questions asked.

There is just one small problem: the weather is still quite summerlike, and my bike and running shoes are close at hand.

Until next summer arrives, may peace, quiet and productivity reign!

Help Wanted: Affordable, Decent IT Support for Frazzled Home Worker

2010-07-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

Well here I am again, talking about a familiar topic so close to my heart: my computer. But today, instead of whining, I'm going to talk solutions. Because I refuse to let this rectangular box of metal sour my attitude indefinitely. At least, that's my statement today.

As an independent consultant, it can be a hair-tearing exercise to effectively do your own IT support. Unless you have a geeky teenager living with you, which unfortunately I don't, you have to either try and solve the problem yourself or find an IT consultant who will charge a minimum hourly fee of $70 and higher. Plus, you've got the hassle of taking the computer to his or her office, and being without a machine for a half day or longer. Okay before you say it: please, don't tell me to buy a Macintosh. I'd love to, really I would, but I have to use Dragon speech recognition software so that I can minimize keyboarding due to a repetitive stress injury. And the Dragon consultant tells me that the product is horrible, virtually worthless, on the Mac. So there you go, I'm stuck with PC/Windows bug hell.

There are times when having an IT consultant nearby for major problems is invaluable. I've had one in the past and was more than happy to fork over the dough to get several problems diagnosed and fixed and the laptop back in running shape. What's tough is determining what can be solved through a minor configuration or hot fix, instead of having an overdiagnosis and subsequent overcharge from the computer techs.

Increasingly, it's a minor little hiccup that drives me to the brink of insanity. Outlook is misbehaving, or I am having intermittent instability issues with Internet Explorer (Gee, do you notice a Microsoft connection here), or the machine is running slow and no amount of antivirus and anti-spyware seems to be turning things around. I like to dream that a five-minute tweak from a knowledgeable expert could solve the problem.

I have resorted to online forums to help me determine the nature of bizarre error messages. But this doesn't always work, and besides, I spend much of my day trolling the web for information and research to support client work and the last thing I really want to do when I'm having a problem is more of that. I just want a nice, pleasant, capable professional to help me, right now, for a reasonable fee.

After posting my complaint on a few online forums, I quickly found that I am shockingly not alone:

“I am in the process of a GEEK Squad virus repair that I thought I had paid for when I bought the service plan..alas that was just hardware and accidental damage ( important!) but not software. Now I am out another $130 and three days downtime..not a good start but I am willing to give them benefit of doubt until everything is finished.”

“This is becoming an increasingly aggravating issue for me. I made the mistake of upgrading to Office 2007 and Norton Internet Security 2010 at the same time. The Office applications crash almost daily and there are times my system slows to an absolutely crawl. But I don't know whether it's archiving in one application or some background activity in the other, because neither give any indication of something going on.”

Here below are a few ideas, pulled from several ever-helpful colleagues, as well as my own experience:

1. Get a professional local consultant for the major stuff. For nasty issues such as viruses, malware, OS reinstalls and grinding performance issues, find a local IT person who can be available quickly for emergency work. Ideally, your consultant can provide both in-person and remote support, depending on the situation. Always seek out references for quality consultants, since there are plenty of horrible ones out there. Based on personal experience, using the people at Best Buy and other electronics stores provide sub-optimal results and sometimes unnecessary recommendations. Your IT expert shouldn't also be trying to sell you stuff, you know?

2. Learn how to do a few things yourself. Install 2-3 antivirus and anti-spyware programs, many of which are free downloads, and perform regular scans (that would be monthly, at least). Download regularly all the necessary a.k.a. "critical" security updates from Redmond. Run your utilities at least monthly, especially Defrag and Disk Cleanup in Windows. Subscribe to at least one e-mail newsletter that talks about PC security and maintenance. Purchase and install one industrial strength security software package, such as Norton. The latest version does automatic scans and proactive fixes, so you don't have to think about it in the middle of the night. Clean up your e-mail inbox regularly. That means deleting unneeded files including the Deleted Items and Sent folders, activating your junk mail filters, and so on. Learn about security settings in your browser and regularly delete tracking cookies-- if your security software doesn't do it for you. Set your pop-up blocker to "medium” or higher, if you can stand it.

3. Investigate online troubleshooting services. This is the most interesting area for the working-from-home professional, and one which requires a good deal of research. A colleague recommended a couple of subscription services, Symantec End Point Protection and N-Able managed services. Just the other day, the Wall Street Journal did a largely favorable review of the following services: AskDrTech.com (the cheapest at $20 per call), BoxAid.com, AskPCExperts.com, and ComputerGeeksOnline.net (the priciest, with a minimum fee of $75). There are many other reputable services to look at such as PlumChoice, and also, niche services including cheap online backup and storage from sites like Carbonite and Mozy. Check out CNET or other top tech review sites to learn what the editors like best and why.

I've not deployed option #3 yet, but I'm curious and tempted. Any other ideas? Share your tips. Because working for yourself shouldn't be this hard.

Are my (always flailing) computers trying to tell me something?

2010-05-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am the proud owner of two really crappy laptops: an old Dell and a Lenovo that was a lemon from the day it arrived last fall. I can't even estimate the number of hours I've spent over the past six months trying to get one of these stinking computers to work for me consistently. Thus, I find myself jumping back and forth between these metal rectangles of hell, transferring files to and fro in vain, constantly wondering which data resides on which computer and how to prevent the next meltdown (computer or human). This method of working will drive even the most calm and meditative Earth Mother into a hopelessly frazzled blob of misery. I won't bore with the details but let’s just say my productivity has been severely under the weather. Let's just say that I've had a few extra cocktails to get me through this. It's all part of the bane of having your own business: there's no IT shop, only patient spouses and liquor cabinets.

Tomorrow, I'm shipping the Lenovo back (again) to Lenovo, or India, or whoever the hell takes these things now and "repairs" them. [I'm picturing a technician casually surfing around on my laptop, changing a few settings while watching YouTube videos on his phone and then 5 minutes later chucking my “all fixed” laptop to a pile where it shall languish for at least a week before someone decides to ship it back]

I could write an entire post or two on the abhorrent nature of customer service from large software and electronics companies. But ick, who'd read that?

At a deeper level, I wonder if the sickly laptops are trying to send me an important, life-changing sign. Stop what you're doing, cuz it ain't working any longer, sister! It's true, business in the last month has been rough. And every time I get into a bad place with my work, I scratch my head and wonder whether it's worth all the trouble. I take a quick look at the dwindling bank account and decide: yes, indeed, it is.

Let's get something straight: I don't have a fall-back plan, and my family depends on the income. Secondly, I'm not particularly ready, mentally, to join the corporate world of cubicles, commutes, and meeting overload. But when you have your own business, particularly in the services space, it's a lot of ups and downs. How you ride those waves will determine how long you’ll be working for yourself. I've been doing this for five years now and have surfed my share of troughs. Yet, I'm not ready to give up. I do, however, often ponder what it would be like to do something completely different, something that might even require (heaven help me) some additional education.

I like to think that when bad things happen, something good is around the corner. Have these last six months of suffering over electronics and a shaky pipeline of work been merely a means to an end, a glorious rebound to the days of dependable, healthy revenue streams? Hmm… nice thought.

Regardless, as Michael J says, I’m looking at the (wo)man in the mirror and hoping she’ll change her (whining) ways. Or at least research a new career track that’s less dependent on a screen, keyboard and mouse. My computers have been trying to tell me something. Can someone please translate? Have you followed a sign lately, and did it lead you anywhere you wanted to stay? Do tell, while I consider my next move (to bed).

For crying out loud I need a little peace around here!

2010-04-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

Today, with spring having unfurled its shimmering buds and greening grasses, I am feeling the need to write about peace and inspiration. And that's not because I just watched the "Inspiration" (cough, cough) episode of American Idol. If anything, watching tonight's show might cause indigestion not inspiration, except for two of the contestants who managed to actually be real.

Enough of that. Truth is, I had a crappy day. It began with a five-year-old tantrum at 6 a.m., after a late night working and then tossing around in sleepless hell. Next up, some unpleasant exchanges with an editor at a new client, and then, a few hours later a trip to the dentist. Let’s not forget the whole gallon of milk that came crashing down from the top shelf of the fridge, exploding into large pools of sticky whiteness across the kitchen floor and cabinets. At this point, 3:30 p.m., my day actually began to get better.

I made chocolate chip butterscotch cookies with my kids, watched my tantrum child master her bike (without training wheels), and then enjoyed a crisp glass of South African Chenin Blanc (sitting down!) with a fun neighbor we haven't seen for a while. Finally, I settled down to a healthy dinner cooked by my loving and patient husband.

So all in all, the day was saved and I am ever so grateful. Every day needs a few moments in which one can find either true peace of mind (which incorporates forgiveness and a lack of self-loathing), or inspiration (yes, I am going to restart my novel and help my daughter finish her room-decorating project). When we are really lucky, we actually attain peace and inspiration all in one day or moment. I asked a few friends to share how they achieve a bit of peace or inspiration during an average day. I'm going to post their ideas below, and start with mine:

Polly’s Peace Prescription

Running, hiking or any form of exercise, looking at the mountains every morning from my window, watching my children sleep so peacefully, hanging out with good girlfriends, and a date night with spousal unit to reconnect as best friends.

From my meditative friend in San Mateo

A few minutes of silence. Watching one of my children learn something new. A mountain bike ride in God's country. Watching a frisbee glide through the air. Reading beautiful words on a page. Being with my wife - alone.

From a former colleague in New Hampshire

Getting up at 4 a.m. for morning coffee and a bit of free reading time before the rest of the world wakes up and wants a piece of me.

From my college roommate in SoCal

Watching children grow and learn is incredibly inspiring. They make me realize how many things in life I've already learned and accomplished...things I now take for granted. Take the simple task of walking. We do it every day w/o a thought, but watching a baby trying to learn to walk reminds me that it's really hard work.

From a good friend and semester abroad pal, in Boston, who happens to be a dog fanatic

Cuddling with my fur-babies, of course!

[Oh man, I agree. I do so miss my sweet golden Bella who passed away this winter]

From my highly-disciplined (damn you!) college roommate, in NoCal

Going for a run. The running part gets harder and harder as I get older, but after I'm done? Voila. Brand new person.

From my daughter's incredibly talented kindergarten teacher in San Mateo

I read a daily reflection for teachers. It always amazes me how much it helps me and makes me laugh. My husband meditates daily and he is the most positive guy I know. Lastly, YOGA!

From my deeply-grounded sister-in-law, in Idaho.

Time outdoors. No matter the weather, no matter the manner of conveyance (feet, skis, etc.). Or, a few minutes of noozle time with a treasured pet. Or, a minute to tell someone how much you love them.

Oh, that last remark rings so true, sister. Showing affection to a friend, spouse/partner, family member, pet, or neighbor is a fundamental way to feel truly connected with the universe. In my view, sharing compassion and love the highest form of peace and inspiration. Let's all do it just a little bit more.

For now, adieu, to you and you and you….

Mourning the death of freelance journalism

2010-03-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been considering the possibility that for all intents and purposes, at least as a career track, freelance journalism is dead. Oh boy, what a revelation. I finally saw the light, yet it's only because I've been in denial. I mean this can't be true, right? The only journalists out there who aren't employed with a real salary (that's everyone in the field except for about 100 people these days) who can afford to freelance for independent media are the youngsters. These are people right out of college with no experience and minimal income needs. At least I hope they're out of college but with these rates you never know. Recently, I viewed an ad on Craigslist looking for business writers willing to work for, drum roll please, $5 dollars per article. That's less than the barristas at Starbucks earn! And way more frustrating and lonely!

These bottom-feeding freelance rates make me think twice about what I read online unless it comes from a blue-chip publication. There are just a ton of choices out there now for information and analysis, but the writing on many of these blogs leaves something to be desired. The analysis, whatever of it may exist, well that's another thing altogether. But if you're only willing or able to pay the price of a few beers for an article, then you get what you pay for: untrained writers, poorly-sourced information, a lack of objectivity and clarity, and a hangover the next day when you read the piece online.

What does this all mean for the future of journalism? I quiver in my boots. Given the fact that freelancers are absolutely required given the abundance of layoffs in the publishing industry over the course of the last several years, it doesn't bode well for the future of journalism overall if none of us can make a living doing it anymore.

My friend and writer colleague Fawn wrote about this in her blog: "These days, anyone semi-literate who has Internet access can start up a free blog and call himself or herself a writer, so the perceived value of being able to write and research is much lower. Which means people are less willing to pay for the good stuff (as opposed to celebrity-oriented crap). When I'm feeling cynical, I think that's because they prefer crap to substance. When I'm despairing, I think it's because they can no longer tell the difference."

I couldn't have said it better myself, Fawn. The problem is not so much that there isn't any quality left: there's plenty, and it's much more readily available than it used to be in the old days when you had to pay for the publication to arrive on your doorstep or in your mailbox. The problem is, this high quality content now available for free is also diluted with loads of low-quality drivel that one must weed through to find the treasure. If you do a search online for a given topic, it can take quite a bit of patience to find the article or site that actually suits your needs and original interests and lives up to any sort of journalistic standards. There's simply too much out there for most of us to easily filter, so we often pick what's at the top of the search engine results… for better or worse. We read it, and we move on, because we must.

Increasingly, even with the blue-chip pubs and sites, contents needs are enormous and ever-changing. There is no time to diligently research a topic through the course of a week or two for most journalists today. And even on the pages of respectable titles, one finds sloppiness, shallowness, smug undertones, and a general disregard for detail. Detail, humility, and diligence were the foundations of my journalism education at The American University, yet who's got time for that in this snarky digital world?

Another longtime writer colleague and friend, Howard, apparently thinks I am being a little bit dramatic (which wouldn't be out of character). "Once the media figures out how to financially support its efforts — and focuses on what its readers want — everything will balance out again. Perhaps we’ll see the rise of syndicates like the Associated Press again, which will likely support local journalists and stringers. But an unheralded facet of this shift is that, like the media, freelancers have to reinvent themselves too — they will need to figure out their own business model to survive in the “free agent” society.” Howard is always positive about his career, even though he blogs about what it's like to be middle-aged and cranky. (It's very funny, and you really should check it out)

I do hope you are right Howard, yet my business model to survive has been to exit the career of journalism. For the past few years I've been doing largely corporate-sponsored work, be it writing, editing or marketing and PR consulting. I suppose I should just get over it, continue to write for companies and marketing concerns (which mostly I enjoy) or else go into sales and just write for fun. I've got this blog, after all, not to mention many unfinished short stories. But I'm having a hard time stomaching the steady but certain unraveling of my former profession.

I'm still glad that I went into journalism and worked into the wee hours for magazines because it's helped me to be fearless, to ask tough questions, to investigate, and to keep pushing for the right answer and the right story. But where will the kids learn this stuff today?

The beauty of switching careers

2010-02-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

These days, it's not uncommon to find someone who worked in marketing move into a sales job, or someone from real estate move into teaching. People in industries that have undergone major downward shifts such as the auto industry have been looking for anything they can do with their manufacturing or engineering skills. Many people who have been laid off, demoted or need to find supplementary income are trying to squeeze their experience and skills into something that will pay the bills. Even those people with glowing references and accomplishment-packed resumes have come up short, despite their best efforts.

However, if you look at this concept of "looking outside the box" for a new job positively, it can be exciting. At one point in my career before we had kids, I was working for a high-flying business magazine. We had rooftop parties every Friday in San Francisco. Anyone who worked in the dotcom industry during the boom will remember this publication. Those were thrilling, albeit stressful times. I was paid well, but worked way too hard and suffered some serious repetitive stress injuries as a result. In the end, my husband's career took us away from San Francisco to Boulder. I was relieved in one sense to get out of that pressure-cooker environment but also worried about my career: what would I do now?

I decided to take a couple of months off, do some freelance writing and reconsider my options. Feeling a bit burned out on the writing career I signed up for a personal training certification program; I loved studying again after years beating my brains out working for magazines, and the change in topic from high-tech to fitness and anatomy was totally refreshing. I got my certification and began working at the local YMCA as a trainer and group exercise instructor. It was a blast. I was paid a little more than minimum wage, but I didn't care. On the side I continued to do some writing work and fortunately, my husband's job was covering most of our bills at the time.

As it happened, within a couple of months into my new career I got pregnant and my experiment as a personal trainer was short-lived. (I did teach exercise classes through my eighth month, which was quite a sight, I'm sure). I'm so glad I took the plunge into a new career path, even though I'm not following it now. I still think about going into a fitness or health-related career because I love helping and motivating others and I love being around exercise freaks.

The experience of switching gears completely to a different career has helped me make other shifts over the years. After we had our first baby, I got back into freelance writing for a while but then got an opportunity to work as an in-house editor within a Microsoft marketing department. I wasn't sure how I would like working in marketing for a gargantuan company, but the content strategy role that I was lucky enough to land was incredibly cerebral. I had enormous latitude to do what I wanted, which made suffering through spreadsheets and presentations in our regular sales and marketing meetings much less painful.

I surprised myself again recently by realizing that after a year of doing public relations consulting in addition to my freelance corporate writing gigs, I'm enjoying that too. I get to work with ideas, smart entrepreneurs, and help reporters. Who knows what's next? I'm open to the possibilities.

I still believe that desire and persistence can carry you far, even if your road to the goal is circuitous and unprofitable at first. Our financial planner told us the story about how he got started in his career. He was fresh out of college, with no job experience, yet somehow convinced a reputable financial services company to take him on for no pay so that he could list a position with that company on his resume while he sought a paying job. Within a few months, his manager left the company and he was offered her job. It wasn't without long hours and dedication on his part, but the unexpected occurred. He was well on his way to his new career, paycheck and all!

Granted, it's not easy switching careers at the moment, given this brutal job market where narrowly-targeted experience is just the first hurdle you must overcome to get an interview. How can you sell yourself into an industry and position for which you don't have direct experience? That’s the $6 million question--yet it's worth pursuing, even now.

Contributed Content: A Good or Bad Trend for Media?

2010-01-29T08:34:00.000-08:00

I've been a professional writer since 1993, when I got my first editorial job at a small
local newspaper in Colorado. Since then I've worked in staff roles at trade and business magazines such as CIO and The Industry Standard, and as a freelancer for websites, magazines and companies. I also had a stint at Microsoft in a content role. So I've been on both sides of the fence: journalism and corporate marketing. In the last few years I've been almost strictly corporate, writing white papers and articles for corporate-sponsored sites and doing some PR. Lately, there's been some brewing debate about the concept of corporate-contributed content.

Some people think the idea of allowing executives and other experts from industry write for independent media is a disturbing denigration of the field of journalism. Others say that it's simply the direction content is heading now -- with bloggers becoming journalists, journalists becoming bloggers, and everyone with something to say actively contributing to the broader bucket of knowledge that we consume every day from social media, traditional media, and corporate-sponsored sites.

I'm in the middle here. First of all, whether they will admit it or not, newspaper and magazine editors need content. The current ad-driven revenue models cannot support large editorial staffs any longer, nor even freelancers; I know this firsthand, since freelance rates have plummeted drastically over the past few years. If a news-oriented, relevant article idea is submitted, that fits a current need, editors are much more inclined to take it these days if they trust the source. The media organizations accepting contributed content are not just small trade rags, but top-tier publications such as Fortune and BusinessWeek.

But the media needs good content— discussions that are well-researched, cogent, objective, and provide fresh insights and value to readers. As long as that criteria is met -- I don't see the problem with an executive writing a blog post for a traditional media site. In the few occasions that I have helped write such articles of late, the company nor its products are mentioned in the article. And often, such pieces are clearly labeled as a viewpoint piece.

Now you still might disagree: independent authors are the only ones worthy of writing for independent media. Yet the tide is changing: economics are demanding the acquisition of cheaper forms of content. This is an opportunity, in my mind, for both media sites and companies. For media: an occasional contributed article is a way to expand editorial coverage on tight budgets with a fresh industry-driven viewpoint that a journalist can’t always convey. For companies: this is an opportunity to express your (hopefully respectable) opinions and drive thought leadership among your peers, colleagues and customers.

Of course there's a danger here: use of such articles requires, perhaps, more stringent editorial policies to weed out people with an agenda versus those offering a thoughtful discussion. And most would agree that the large majority of articles from independent media should still come from journalists, not companies. Story ideas and execution must be held to the same level of rigor, if not more, of that of the independent journalist. And it must be distinctly clear in the article credits who penned the piece.

If managed properly, corporate-written content is not evidence of the field of journalism rapidly going downhill into the dregs of promotional drivel. Many freelance writers with pedigreed backgrounds, in fact, write regularly for corporations along with their journalism pieces—because they must, to survive. On the same token, many news organizations will have to consider free, contributed, yet high-quality content from both leaders and industry to "fill the pages" so to speak.

But that's just my view. What's yours?

New Year's Resolution #1: Slow down, babe.

2010-01-14T20:38:00.000-08:00

For many of us, 2009 wasn't an easy year. So far, I can’t say 2010 is remarkably better; in fact I feel even more exhausted lately. But for working moms, is life ever easy? Sure, it's rewarding, to work in a job that you (mostly) love and to have an active hand in raising your kids and being deeply involved in their sweet and sometimes cranky little selves. I feel lucky to "have it all." Yet sometimes I need to take a step back and make sure that I am not trying to do everything 110%. There's a danger in that. A good friend of mine recently shared her struggles from overdoing it:

"As for me, after learning that I officially stressed and fatigued my adrenals and messed up my electrolytes, all of which was contributing to many other medical issues, I have/am learning to slow down and not take on too much all the time. Be careful -- true adrenal fatigue is almost becoming an epidemic with women 30-50."

Even though the Mayo Clinic website says that "adrenal fatigue" is not an acceptable medical diagnosis, I do believe my friend when she tells me that her body has suffered from stress and now that she has changed her lifestyle by doing less, eating better, and drinking less alcohol and caffeine, she feels like a new person.

For myself, I know that I am susceptible to stress and will suffer from lack of regular exercise and too many late nights at the computer. In my early 20s, I had a serious spell of depression that put me into the hospital for a bit. Since then, I've always been highly cognizant of my limits. Taking it easy, however, doesn't exactly jive with my genes; I am a person of many ambitions and interests, bred from a hard-charging woman who is a type-A doer. Yet, I know when to say no. I volunteer a few times a month in my daughter's classroom but on some days I just have to e-mail the teacher and apologize that I am not going to make it. I try and purge all guilt from my head after doing so, even though I know how much these teachers need and appreciate the help. Okay, stop, I'm doing it again. No guilt, I said no guilt!

But ultimately, I know the consequences of stuffing my schedule too tight: I get panicky, exceptionally snippy with the kids and hubby, angry, frustrated, and then I don't sleep well. I'm an exercise fanatic, but I have to accept the fact that sometimes a 20-minute walk with my dog is going to have to suffice instead of a trip to the gym. (The beauty of that is, my dog is very happy with the choice) Life happens. Sometimes you just have to roll with it and accept a lower standard, despite whatever impossibly high standards you have set for yourself.

All of us need to learn to recognize and honor the warning signs: consistent changes in appetite, sleep patterns, mood, motivation, and sociability. When I am overly-frazzled and overdone altogether, I simply don't want to be around other people. I don't care how fun and cute they are. Deep down inside I can hear my inner voice chanting: "Come on, get dressed, have fun, get out there." When I just can't do it, I know it's time to scale back. Do you?

Frazzled friends, I welcome your coping strategies for when life seems overwhelming. I'm never going to achieve everything that I want to, because I fear the consequences of doing and doing until I am brain dead. In the meantime, remember, these feelings of inadequacy too shall pass. On that note, I'm shutting off the computer, eating a brownie, taking a bath, and going to bed early. I think.

A blog on why I haven't been blogging

2009-12-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's been over six weeks since I last posted to this blog. I've broken the most important rule, experts say, about blogging: Consistency. Fortunately, I am not The New York Times so I am not losing a lot of sleep about it. But it makes me wonder: when you're pulled in many different directions between work, kids, family and friends, how can one stay consistent with a blog that doesn't bring in money though it satisfies a deep underlying need to express one's innermost thoughts, ideas and concerns?

To make matters worse, I started another blog devoted to green business a couple of months back, and have only posted one blog, despite my initial enthusiasm. I'm still enthusiastic but severely strapped for time and energy because the new blog requires research and interviewing. Ouch: what was I thinking.

On one hand, this is all positive news: I am much busier with work these days. On the other hand, in my line of work (business and tech writing, tech marketing and communications) staying up-to-date with all the social media is pretty critical. If I can't handle my own stuff then perhaps that makes me look bad to the outside world. Do the people who keep regular blogs while working, staying fit (a high priority for me) and taking care of family get less than six hours of sleep? If that's what it takes, I don't know if I am up to the task. My other problem is I don't work full-time: having 25-30 hours of week while my kids are in school to work, means that when I get busy, I'm barely keeping up with clients. Blogging? Forget about it.

Regardless, I do intend to keep doing this even if not weekly. And I've got a topic which I would love some feedback on now so I can write about it intelligently. Top of mind to me these days is the topic of stress. Why exactly do men seem to handle this better than women?

Men of the world: what are your secrets? Or are you just built this way? Please don't say the latter. I need a tip and fast. I know: I need to care less about the details of everyday life and stop trying to be a perfectionist. That's part of it. But beyond that -- when I am overwhelmed with deadlines and the never-ending miscellaneous list of things to take care of, sometimes I just shut down. Worse, I explode about stupid things to my kids or others in my life. And if the kitchen is not cleaned up before 10 AM, I get very cranky.

My husband, on the other hand, watches the Food Channel or ESPN and then stays up until midnight working. He rarely worries about or even notices the messy house, dirty kitchen, piles of laundry, bills piling up. He figures, it gets done when it gets done. That's not to say he doesn't need more sleep: he does. But he seems to care less about the ramifications of being overworked, overtired and constantly behind.

Is that the secret? Caring less? I don't know if I can do it. But I'd like someone to tell me how to whittle down on my worry gene, just a little bit. I'm afraid to discover that the answer is in fact, genetic. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Can I become a bit more Mars-like??

Until next time, hang tight frazzled people. Holiday downtime is almost here!!

Consulting woes: I just want to get paid.

2009-09-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

As a home-based independent consultant, one of the most important tasks that you can nail is getting paid on time. It shouldn't be rocket science, yet it is. If you're just now entering the business of working for yourself, get used to the fact that you're going to be a part-time, industrious and high-value worker, and part-time collections agent.

My good friend and colleague, Howard Baldwin, who rants with brio about getting older in his blog, has also proven over the years to be a good partner in crime for whining about deadbeat clients. Complaining, however, hasn't done us much good.
Has anyone noticed that during recessionary times, getting paid is doubly harder than normal? Here's what I have discovered over the past 18 months: I am working harder and longer and for less money. This is true for many of us. Chasing down invoices is just grinding salt into the wound. But let's not be victims here: I'd like to offer a few ideas that have worked for me, and as well, a couple of ideas from some like-minded friends. Here goes:

1. Research a new client before taking on a project. These days, with a plethora of online forms and social media to connect with colleagues from all over the world, there's just simply no excuse for not making a small effort to find out if anyone has worked for the company, and if they were paid on time and treated well. Do the diligence -- unless of course you have a personal reference whom you trust already and can offer insights on the client's ability to pay and general ethics. One colleague even told me she does a background check on every new client. Now that's taking the bull by the horns!

2. Insist on a contract. This is a basic form of CYA. Always have a project agreement in writing from the client— even if they are a friend or former colleague. Consider the fact that an e-mail message may or may not hold up in court. It's better to have something on company stationery, with a signature. Because naturally, you're going to have to sign some documents for the client before you get started. It's only fair, right? And without a contract, you have absolutely no ground to stand on when the client starts ignoring your e-mails and phone calls.

3. On the contract, include a late payment fee clause. If the client refuses to sign a contract with such a clause, then you have to wonder why. Of course, it may not make it any easier to get paid with some clients of a particular slimy, or bankrupt nature— but at least they know you mean business from the start. As well, include on your invoices the late payment terms. Mine call for a 5% fee after 45 days, and a 10% fee after 60 days.

4. Insist on payment within 30 days of receipt of invoice. When you purchase any service for yourself, such as from your doctor, housecleaner, or hairdresser, you pay at the time of service, right? So why should you wait longer than 30 days to get paid for your work? If the client says: "We don't usually pay within 30 days,” move on—no matter how cool the project or company. Keep in mind, of course, that some accounting departments are given directives by senior management to hold up invoices as long as possible for the sake of cash flow. This is a hard, cold reality that every consultant/contractor must fight vigorously. At a certain point, you may have to walk away from a client that continues to violate your 30-day payment window.

5. Consider asking for a portion of your fees upfront. A marketing colleague told me that she is often able to get 50% down. That's impressive. I've not tried it myself but I must say it is tempting. For a new client with a big project that could be risky, it's worth asking. I'm just simply not sure how effective this tactic is today in the marketing/PR/freelance writing world in which I work. But if you have a unique product or service, and competitive prices, you've got a decent chance.

6. Kill them with kindness.Your invoice is two, three or perhaps even four weeks late. After the first reminder, it's time to get tougher – yet still remain the courteous, friendly professional person that you are. "Dear editor/marketing manager/accounting person: I've really enjoyed working on this project with you. But at this point, I really do need to get paid. I'm sure there's some kind of mix-up, and I'd love to just get beyond this issue so that we can move on to the next project. What do you say? Can you give me an answer by tomorrow as to when I will get my check? Thanks so much. I appreciate your help."

7. When all else fails, get nasty.
"I once told a publisher that unless I was paid immediately I would tell everyone on the masthead, as well as all of the publication's advertisers, the story of my shoddy treatment. It worked,” says John, a freelance writer friend. There are many ways you can spread the word about a company’s disreputable ways through the Web: review pages, Better Business Bureau, online forms for your industry, and so on. You can also take them to small claims court--a protracted, frustrating process which I did once and I would not recommend doing for any amount less than $1000. (Collections agencies are another option, of course, but you'll have to meet their minimum and pay their fees)

8. Know your tipping point.
Don't kill yourself over principle. If a company is simply out of cash, then you're just not going to get paid. It's better to spend your time taking care of your good clients, and developing relationships with new clients who have money in the bank and a solid reputation with vendors. In short, know when to walk away. All that stress is simply bad for your health!

Late and unpaid invoices happen to all of us at some time. Just make sure that you do everything in your power to ensure it’s an occasional blip and not the status quo; otherwise, sister (or brother, as it may be), you’ve got the wrong kind of clients!

High-tech marketing: is content still king?

2009-09-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

These days, as a home-based writing and PR consultant, I work with a lot of marketing teams. Most of them are in high-tech, and I am also working to build up a business involving green tech and health care. Marketing budgets have been slashed over the past couple of years. I don't have the numbers to show for it, only the anecdotal evidence and my own personal experience—enduring a 20% downturn in income since 2007.

When companies have marketing dollars to spend, they are ruminating long and
hard about how to spend it: what kind of messages and information will resonate
today?

Some people think that micro-blogging a.k.a. Twitter is a high-value activity for marketing when you have a tight budget. Yet despite all the hype it's unclear what tangible results most companies are gaining from social media, and there’s a lot of a palaver that's time-wasting and annoying. Behind the tweets and posts there has to be some useful, valuable content. I'm not talking about quick-hit promotions and spin but information that will help purchasers and decision-makers learn more about your products and services and their industry: research, analysis, predictions, and customer stories. It's about building a relationship, sharing information, and enriching a discussion with customers and other stakeholders.

In 1993, I began my career in journalism, and while I occasionally still write journalism pieces, the bulk of my work has evolved into corporate-sponsored writing and communications activities. I like to call myself an information broker. The same tenets that I learned at the American University M.A. program in Journalism in 1991 and 1992 still apply to my work today: research, relevance, and really good writing.

Sometimes however, I wonder if anyone really cares about that anymore. White papers seem to have gone by the wayside. Cases are getting shorter and shorter. The bulk of news and analysis publish exclusively on the web, which means articles must be tight, concise, and often lacking perspective. Blogging is hot -- yet there's plenty of blabber out there on the Web and it's hard to know what's credible and what's not.

I surveyed a few friends and colleagues for their perspective on the world of marketing content today, and here's what they said:

"Ultimately, I'm thinking the issue is less the mode of content delivery instead of the nature of the content itself," says Jason Gillikin, president of Gillikin Consulting which provides business communications services. “Material that speaks to the effectiveness of some new technology are going to play better than empty sales rhetoric, irrespective of the mode of delivery. So emphasizing the ROI will be a smart move. Show the customer how this new tech will make their lives easier or cheaper or reduce their carbon footprint. That, ultimately, will count for the most.”

Michael Schmier, VP of research and media at high-tech market research network Tippit, still believes in the power of white papers and case studies, as long as they are distributed widely on other sites. Blogging, if attached to a social media strategy, is another favorite of this San Francisco-based former marketing exec. And webinars on products can be very useful for customers, he says.

Michael: I agree wholeheartedly. I believe that diversity is paramount: technical people might enjoy spending five minutes watching a product demo while marketing-savvy execs can quickly breeze through your social media updates on their mobile phones. And, members of the media and prospects can get a better idea of the capabilities of your product or service by reading a well-written and engaging case study. Everyone knows such documents are always one-sided, but they can also offer a valuable snapshot into the real-life scenarios your company enables.

In the world of headlines and sidebars and video clips in which we now live, I sometimes mourn the halcyon days in which I could interview 7 or 8 people and spend hours researching a subject to pen a thoughtful and comprehensive 3,000-word piece. I hope that marketing folks won’t lose sight of the fact that not everything can be consumed in 10 seconds. Nor should it be.

What’s your take on the state of corporate-sponsored content? What do your clients and customers want?

When life gets rough, it's time to pamper

2009-09-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

In the days before children, when life consisted of a small (yet very comfortable) townhouse in San Mateo, CA, my husband and I, and two very stressful jobs, we became quite adept at pampering. On Saturday morning we’d do the obligatory errands, then exercise, and then the remainder of the day (and Sunday) were committed to hanging out on our "deck" (the roof of our garage), reading, seeing friends, walking to dinner, and in the winter, enjoying a glass of wine by the fireplace. Weekends were bliss.

Once the kiddos arrived, pampering got lost in the diapers, bottles, and mountains of laundry. One lost all track of Monday versus Saturday…and when the small fries got older the weekends became even more busy and exhausting than the weekdays: errands, birthday parties, cleaning, outdoor adventures, play dates, bills.

Yet the fact remains: I still need to pamper myself.
For my husband, pampering consists of the Food Network, a beer, and/or ESPN. I love the simplicity and the consistency of that plan.

For me, on the other hand, I indulge in the following, sometimes even in one day:

1. Exercise. Yes, that's weird, but it is a form of pampering for me. Sometimes it's just a brief jaunt around the block with my dog. Other times it's a nice long run in the morning cool or a swim during the heat of the day. I feel completely rejuvenated when I’m done.

2. Chocolate. I don't have any rules about chocolate. When I need a square, I get it. Morning, noon or night. You’ve likely read about its antioxidants/health benefits but for me, it's that happy little feeling inside that does it for me. In my sedulous research over the years for the ultimate chocolate bar, I believe I have finally found it: Vosges Barcelona Bar.

3. Bath products. I like to say that I take lots of baths… I don't. I used to, but now, it seems to be impossible to find the time nor energy to fill up the bathtub again after I've already bathed and put to bed two energetic little girls. However, I do indulge in comforting lotions and bath gels. They don't have to be pricey. My personal favorite right at this moment is: Burt’s Bees Honey & Shea Body Butter. It's all natural and smells sooooo good. I also love L’Occitane bath oils, lotions, and shower products (for a few more greenbacks).

4. Wine. A glass of red wine in a beautiful stem: Oregon Pinot Noir, Argentinean or Chilean Malbec, Australian Shiraz, California Zinfandel, blends from Ridge. Paired with a commodious, cushioned chair, newspaper or magazine, and no children in sight— that's pretty much a spa experience for me. At about 1/10th the price.

5. Reading. History, biography, memoir, novel, People magazine, the Wall Street Journal weekend section. Those are my top picks. I'm sure that you have your own. On the couch or in bed, even just for 10 minutes—with a book I have successfully transported myself into someone else’s world. It’s magical.

6. Silence. This is rare, but if I remember to do it, I will shut my bedroom door before bedtime, warn my husband not to bother me for 10 minutes, and sit on the floor and just be still. We live in a quiet neighborhood right now so it's easy to obtain this blessed silence. I don't know which is better: the silence unbroken only by an occasional bird, or my immovable limbs. But it's a mini-vacation, for free.

7. Fancy coffee drinks. If I have a slow day I will go down to one of the many quaint little cafés in downtown Golden, order a mocha (with whipped cream, thank you), and sit down and read the newspaper or answer some e-mail. For just a few moments, I feel like an intellectual. And that's priceless.

8. Window shopping. I've gotten over the fact that I can’t spend much money on clothes and accessories these days. It's been that way for a while, and now I actually enjoy popping in to cute little boutiques or meandering through the shoe department at Nordstrom and just looking around at the latest styles. I might buy myself a lip gloss. Or not.

I would love to hear your top ideas for pampering: particularly, activities or items that don't cost a lot of dough. Now don't get me wrong: I love four-course gourmet dinners out, and I'd kill to go on a five-star resort vacation right now. I won't even be picky about the locale: beach, mountains, lakes, city, whatever. But that's for later. For now: it's pampering on a budget.

And you?

Moving with Young Children, 101

2009-08-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

If you take natural disaster, divorce, death, and illness out of the equation, moving is hell. Moving with kids, especially those of the small type, is double hell. However, there are ways to get through it without losing your sanity, your marriage, and your overall sense of parental control. How do I know? I've done it now several times. Here is my rap sheet of credibility to offer tips on moving, with a timeline of the moves that I have gone through in my life:

1. 1977: Dallas to Denver with my brother and sister and a very large moving van.
2. 1986: Denver to Santa Barbara for college.
3. 1990, Summer: Santa Barbara to Denver after graduation.
4. 1990, Fall: Denver to San Diego.
5. 1991, Winter: San Diego back to Denver (broke)
6. 1991, July: Washington DC for graduate school.
7. 1992, September: Washington DC to Denver (broke)
8. 1996: Denver to Minneapolis (work relocation)
9. 1998: Minneapolis to San Francisco (fell in love, new job)
10. 2001: San Francisco to Boulder (husband gets new job)
11. 2003: Boulder to SF (husband loses job, finds new one)
12. 2004: SF to Seattle, baby in tow (this time, I get the new job)
13. 2005: Seattle to SF (2nd baby born, husband gets recruited back to the Bay)
14. 2009: SF to Golden, CO (leaving the rat race behind)

And here I am, 13 moves later, and I'm less than halfway through my projected lifespan. By far, the last three moves involving children were the hardest, yet also the most enlightening. Moving has taught us to be flexible and adaptive— and sometimes that means ice cream treats twice in one day to keep the kids calm.

Here are my 15 golden rules of moving with young kids:

1. Don't do it, unless you really really really need to do it.
2. Start planning and preparing for your move at least six weeks in advance… and for the love of God, make a list. And divide it with the spouse.
3. If you're moving to another neighborhood/city/state, make sure to inform the schools as early as possible of your kids’ departure so that you get back whatever deposit you put down (if private). Despite this, we still didn't get ours back, so expect disappointment. (Thank you so much, Serendipity Preschool in San Mateo, California, where I sent two of my children and parted with many thousands of dollars in tuition.)
4. Get bids from at least two recommended movers, preferably three. If your favorite mover can't get to the price that you want, ask them to throw in something for free like insurance, hotel vouchers, one month of free shopping at Whole Foods, a $500 gift card to Nordy’s…..
5. Ask for help. I'm sure that grandma and grandpa would love to come out and watch the kids while you pack boxes for the weekend.
6. If you are packing your own stuff, spread the grueling chore out over a couple of weekends. Trust me: you'll spend countless hours throwing out and sorting all sorts of crap you won't believe that you own.
7. Schedule two trash/recycling pickups: 2 weeks before your move and the second one the day after the movers leave.
8. If you can recycle or give away unwanted items, do it. You won't believe what people will want these days. If you don't have enough items for a garage sale, team up with a friend.
9. If you are moving out of state, reserve a hotel for three nights prior to the morning that you take off. Why? Night one will be the night before the movers load up your house, and nothing will be outside of a box. If you're like me, a clean comfortable hotel room is well worth the price after that hell. Night two, the movers have emptied your house, the kids are crying wondering where their toys are, you're feeling disconnected from your entire life, and that clean hotel room with a bottle of wine will be a welcome sight. Night three: you've just completed cleaning your empty house and yard, said goodbye to friends, and thus, need one last restful night’s sleep before the hideous drive across the desert/plains/mountains/swamp.
10. If you're driving to your new home for any considerable duration (i.e. more than two hours) do the following: go to Target, purchase several items from the dollar section, several arts and crafts kits, and many bags of unhealthy treats. Distribute them appropriately within your vehicles for easy access.
11. Remember, when you're on the road, there are no rules for eating: the more sugar, caffeine, salty food, the better. This goes for everyone in the family including the dog.
12. If you will be driving two cars with your spouse, please, please, separate the children. You'll thank me later.
13. If you don't have a portable DVD player by now for the kids, open up the rusty wallet and go buy one. It will be the best $150 (or less, perhaps) you’ve ever spent.
14. Don't skimp on hotels on the road. In places like Elko, Nevada, the best digs will still cost you half of any B-grade hotel in a big city. Get one with a swimming pool: the kiddies will have lots of energy to expend at the end of the 10-hour day in the car and they’ll fall blissfully into bed no later than midnight.
15. Get your buns up early when you have a long drive day ahead. The kids will still be groggy and you’ll have 1 hour of peace as a result.

That’s it. Those are my golden rules. I hope they work for you. And just remember: this too shall pass. Before you know it, you'll be in your new home/city, happily unpacked and sipping a glass of Pinot Noir on your back deck while the kids play peacefully and your husband cooks a lovely dinner of grilled salmon and fresh veggies from the garden. Or something like that.

Social media strategy on a small marketing budget

2009-08-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have been experimenting with social media in my own business, in earnest, for a couple of years. I started with Linkedin for networking and frequently use the question-and-answer tool. One year ago I added Facebook, and six months ago, I started this blog and my Twitter account. I've quickly learned that all of these tools can be painfully time-consuming— particularly the last two. On the other hand, I do believe that at some point, they'll pay off for my business in ways I can’t predict now.

In the meantime, this experiment shows prospects and colleagues that I am investing in new media, which is fast becoming a critical source of information and knowledge-sharing for people in the business world. Since I am in the information business, I've got to use these tools or else, fall behind the times. Increasingly, clients are asking me to advise them on social media practices for promoting their message and building their business.

A small high-tech client I'm working with wants to dip its toes deeper into social media. The marketing chief has set up a Twitter account, which he has been posting news and observations to infrequently, and the company is about to launch a new Web site. Here's the challenge: we have an already constrained budget for PR activities, which means I will only have a few extra hours at most to spend on social media per week.

Yes, the tools are free, but time is not: whoever told you that social media is a cheap and easy way to promote your business is lying through their teeth.

From my own personal experience and the anecdotes of others, it can take 1-2 hours per day to achieve any significant marketing goals with these tools. My client doesn't have the budget to pay me those extra hours on top of all the other programs we have running.

Despite that barrier, I'm eager to get started but I'm also worried: How can we be efficient with the few hours that we have to spend? Automated tools for managing social media are now plentiful— so I know that incorporating these tools will be part of our strategy.

Here's my bare-bones social media plan for the client:

Purpose:

--To position [COMPANY] as an influencer and thought leader in prominent online media communities.
--To buttress and support PR and marketing efforts.
--To generate new marketing and sales prospects, potential partners, and community supporters aka viral friends.
--To gain useful insight into social media conversations around [XYZ] technology, to fuel media relations strategies, contacts and opportunities.

I. Twitter: Guidelines and Tools

There's no “right way” to use Twitter but increasingly, standards are arising about how corporations are using Twitter and some best practices are emerging. As a marketing and public relations tool, corporate Twitter accounts are focusing on striking a balance between self-promotional posts and educational/non-promotional conversations, and re-tweeting of others’ posts which relate to industry trends. Some guidelines that I have read suggest a 60% to 40% ratio of non-promotional to promotional tweets.

Useful links and tools for getting started:

Twitter Bible

Resource Super List

Twellow is a directory of public Twitter accounts, with hundreds of categories and search features to help you find people who matter to you.

Twitter Tips: How to Find Experts in Your Industry

Tweetscan. A great search engine for twitter to see what people are twitting about you, your blog, brand, company, product etc.

TweetMarks. This will help your bookmark your twits, keeping all of the links you share organized.

TweetDeck tips (TweetDeck is an excellent dashboard/browser for twitter that I use as my primary interface into Twitter. I love it.)

Twollo to automatically follow the people who are discussing the things I am interested in.

Twaitter allows you to schedule your tweets at specific times.

CoTweet enables multiple people to update just one Twitter account. A permissions console allows you to set up accounts for the team members you want updating the Twitter feed.

Twitter measurement

This is no hard science yet but some of the metrics include: number of followers, number of mentions or retweets, individual tweet performance, clicks per day, and clicks by geographic location. Fortunately, there are many free or low-cost automated tools that collect data for you and graph it. Recommendations for an initial metrics program:

--Number of followers and percentage of increase month to month.
--Number of mentions, replies, and retweets per month.
--Individual tweet performance: graphing how particular posts perform in terms of responses and mentions. This will be, ideally, an invaluable tool for PR/marketing efforts.
--Responses from media, customers, or other key constituents on Twitter to press releases and other news. We will track any contacts that come to us from Twitter.

Resources for analytics:

Eight excellent tools to extract insights from Twitter streams
http://www.socialmediatoday.com/SMC/80437

1. Hootsuite— This is another twitter client which also includes statistics tools.
2. Twitalyzer provides activities analysis of any Twitter user, based on social media success yardsticks. Its metrics include (a) Influence score, which is basically your popularity score on Twitter (b) signal-to-noise ratio (c) one’s propensity to ‘retweet’ or pass along others’ tweets (d) velocity - the rate one’s updates on Twitter and (e) clout - based on how many times one is cited in tweets.
3. Twist offers trends of keywords or product name, based on what Twitter users are tweeting about. You can see frequency of a keyword or product name being mentioned over a period of a week or a month and display them on a graph.
4. Tweetstats is useful to reveal tweeting behavior of any Twitter users. It consolidates and collates Twitter activity data and presents them in colorful graphs. Its Tweet Timeline is probably the most interesting, as it shows month-by-month total tweets since your joined Twitter.
5. Twitterfriends focuses on conversation and information aspects of Twitter users’ behaviors. Two key metrics are Conversational Quotient (CQ) and Links Quotient (LQ). CQ measures how many tweets were replied whereas LQ measures how many tweets contained links.
6. Thummit Quickrate This web application identifies latest buzzwords, actors, movies, brands, products, etc. (called ‘topics’) and combines them with conversations from Twitter. It does sentiment analysis to determine whether each Twitter update is Thumms up (positive), neutral or Thumms down (negative).

II. Twitter: Schedule and Content plan

1. Budget/Time: Minimum 1 hour per week (ideally, 2 hours) to maintain Twitter account. Below is what I believe to be a useful breakdown of time spent for .5 hour on social media, which I found from another marketer:

1. Sign up for an account at TweetLater (or another tweet scheduling tool).
2. Spend 10-15 minutes every day finding industry articles, news you find interesting, and thought leadership pieces that have nothing to do with you or your business and set those up to be distributed throughout the day. A good rule of thumb is that 60 percent of your tweets should not be self-serving. I set up my tweets 30 minutes apart.
3. Spend 10 minutes every day setting up your “self-serving” tweets - these are links to your blog, white papers the company has written, any articles written about you or that quote you, Webinars or podcasts you’re hosting, etc. A good rule of thumb is these should be only 40 percent of your tweets and you should space them out so they don’t come out all at once.
4. Spend 10 minutes going through your groups on TweetDeck and find things to RT (retweet) for your followers. This expands your follower base, shows that you listen, and provides great influence.

2. Content plan:

Post a minimum of 10 tweets per week consisting of:

--Tweets and retweets of related tech and industry news
--Company press releases (retweet 2-3 x over two weeks)
--Case studies and company media coverage (retweet 2-3 x over two weeks)
--General observations on company happenings or industry events
--Conference/event news
--Blog/site articles

The automated tweet scheduling tools allow you to develop an editorial calendar of tweets so that you can plan ahead and schedule when tweets post and how often. One rule of thumb that I have uncovered is to schedule your posts at intervals throughout the day, instead of all at once.

III. Blog

Ideally, we would launch a blog at the same time as our Twitter strategy. Given resources, this may not be possible, but a best practice is to not begin a blogging program until we are able and ready to commit to weekly posting. (Increasingly, there are services which automatically update Twitter with blog postings.)

Purpose:

--To position [Company] as an influencer and thought leader in prominent online media communities and with fellow bloggers.
--To buttress and support PR and marketing efforts, and as an educational vehicle for customers and prospects.
--To showcase speeches and thought leadership from company execs, and guest bloggers from the [industry] community.
--To engage in conversations with and generate feedback from customers, prospects, partners, and supporters.

Schedule: 1 posting/week. (300- 500 words)
Time commitment: 2-3 hours per week.

Challenges: Budget and resources for producing regular content. One strategy to counteract: cultivate relationships with guest bloggers to help mitigate the time spent creating original content. Strategy two: Re-post blogs on foundational topics.

Is it possible to gain value from social media by spending only a couple of hours per week? I'm not sure, but I'm determined to find out. I would love to find out how others who work for themselves or small companies are handling the time-sink issue. I have to keep reminding myself: social media is just another suite of tools to build a brand and engage customers and the broader community. It's not magic. At the end of the day, the message has to be crystal clear and targeted— no matter the tools that we use.

Ultimately, marketers and communicators need to figure out how to integrate these tools into our regular marketing and sales and customer service activities, without taking valuable time away from the physical time a.k.a. "personal touch" and attention we still need to offer customers and partners. I fear that were all getting too digital and are forgetting how to communicate in person and over the phone. What's the right balance?

Until next time, I'll be here, frazzled as always and trying to figure this all out.

Ode to Friends

2009-08-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

In these trying times, many of us have been forced to get rid of the extraneous activities in our lives. It pains me, for instance, when I can't exercise as much as I would like. Or, when I can’t work on my creative writing projects. (Actually, when have I done that since having kids?) And reading: the book is central to my genetic makeup. Yet when it comes down to it, here's what I can't and won't give up (aside from work of course): a minimal amount of rest and some semblance of a healthy lifestyle, time with my family, and my friends.

Maintaining friendships is especially paramount if you work from home. Otherwise, you'll find yourself having lengthy, and potentially embarrassing, conversations with the UPS person, the grocery store clerk, the Starbucks clerk, and when no one else is available… the dog.

On July 31st, we left the Bay Area for Colorado. Both locales are beautiful, unique places—no doubt. Both offer ample opportunities for outdoor fun. Now that I no longer live in California I'll miss easy access to the ocean, wine country, and the mild Mediterranean climate. Sometimes, I will even miss access to Silicon Valley, the heartbeat of the technology world in which I work. (Although admittedly, I'm happy to be out of the fray right now).

But what I ruminated about as we drove across the desert toward the Rocky Mountains was how much I will miss my closest friends in the Bay: some of these are women whom I've known since college and others are women whom I have had the pleasure of knowing through my daughters’ schools over the past couple of years. These are friends whom I have cried with, exercised with, laughed with, and sent text messages and Facebook updates all hours of the day and night for critical updates such as: "Why can’t I be patient with my kids for one hour of the day…. I can't find my car keys, again…. I need a cocktail…"

Spending time developing relationships with my friends is truly a “value-add” use of my time, even when I have absolutely none of it to spare. No matter where I am, and no matter where they are, my friends keep me grounded in life and help me to realize that I am not alone, I am loved, and that there's so much beauty in the world to experience. My friends help me realize my potential, and have given me so many gifts: perspective, insights, laughter, spirituality, motivation, love, caring and support. Without them I would be in a perpetual state of inanition. My husband and children are my rock—I’d be devastated without them—yet my friends help me to feel truly whole.

Some of my friends I talk to infrequently, such as my dear high school pal Janel, who lives in New York City and has a decidedly different schedule than me, the suburbian mom. Yet we chatted for 30 minutes as I drove on desolate highways through Nevada, and now that I am reconnected with her, I am complete again.

I will have to make some new friends now that we are living in a different town. It may take a while, but from experience, it will be worth every moment spent in the effort.

Esteemed client: your lack of planning is not my disaster

2009-07-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

Professionally, I refer to myself as a "communications consultant." But in reality, sometimes I think clients and prospects view me as: "sucker who will do anything for money or the promise of it."

Clients expect a lot, especially today, and generally speaking I'm happy to try and satisfy those needs in return for challenging work and a paycheck. However, when you are a freelance writer/marketer/editor/illustrator/designer, it seems like some folks think you're just dying to take their project at any price, under any conditions, because you are a creative and ultimately love what you do and will work at any hour of the day, weekends included, to fulfill your urge to produce meaningful content and change the world. You will even do some pro bono work if pushed. Sometimes all of those things are true —but I still don't like the underlying notion that while the client has lots of boundaries, I seem to have none (in their eyes, anyway).

A few months back, I made contact with a man who owns a startup software company. We had a few phone conversations and he called me into his office for a meeting about a blog that he wanted to produce with my help: one hour to learn about his company seemed like a fine investment of my time. After the meeting, several e-mails and other phone calls ensued with more requests for (apparently free) advice. Finally, I said to him: I think you're ready to get going on this project, so would you please send me over a contract so that we can officially begin work together? No contract materialized. Later, another e-mail appeared, stating that he had to put the blog project on hold to work on some other marketing activities. In my mind, the client was gone—at least for the near term. It happens, c'est la vie. But then, about a month later, I receive an e-mail from the guy, stating: "What happened, are you no longer interested in the blog project?" I replied: "I am indeed still interested, yet your last note to me asked me to hold off for now." I received no further replies or e-mails from him.

What the heck?

I have a real problem with flaky clients —and it seems like they are in ample abundance right now.

I don't put together a strategy plan for free, sorry. I am, however, willing to offer a few getting-started tips— which I did for this guy, to no avail.

Then there's the problem of getting things in writing. It shouldn't be hard -- but sometimes, it's like pulling teeth. A consultant should always have a work contract stating project scope, requirements, and agreed-upon rates and payment schedules. It not only protects the consultant but also the client. A couple of weeks ago, a new client sent over several legal docs for me to sign and fax back immediately. When I asked when I would see a contract for myself, she replied by e-mail: "I've never had this type of a request from freelancers. What exactly do you need? Is this e-mail good enough?"

I don't know, is it? Not for you guys, apparently.

She then went on to say how upright and honest her company is, how everyone always gets paid on time, and so on and so on. That's very nice, but it won't hold up in court. Anyway, I just don't get the big deal here: we're talking about a simple work contract, 200 words or less.

Another new client had a super tight deadline for me to accomplish this week— which I agreed to do, somewhat reluctantly, before our move to Colorado end of next week. The work was supposed to filter into my inbox a few days ago but hasn't appeared yet. Now, I have half the time to complete the project -- and I just don't see how it's going to get done. So I've prepared myself for the next conversation: you're going to need to hire some extra help pronto. I have provided a few reminders about my schedule— as I dutifully should. But I don't see this project ending well for them or for me. To be fair: who knows what's gone wrong here, but I'm expecting that I'll be asked to pick up the slack and if I say no, guilt pangs will certainly attack me in the middle of the night.

And then there's the problem of getting paid on time— don't get me started. But I will, soon, very soon… I have loads and loads of tips from my own experiences and others about how to handle late invoices. Fortunately, this hasn't happened a lot in my career, but enough to make me wonder what I can do to prevent it altogether. Late fees are often in my contracts, but that doesn't usually push a negligent or cash-strapped client to pay me any sooner.

Esteemed client, may I ask: are you late on your rent and utility bills?
Doubtfully. So why can't you just pay me on time, too?

Don't forget: I worked super hard for you, am highly ethical, and have bills to pay as well. This isn't clothing and vacation money—we do actually need to eat around here and buy toilet paper.

At this point you are possibly thinking: wow, is she ever ungrateful. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. I am from-the-bottom-of-my-heart thankful for every piece of work that I get these days, and for good clients, I will do everything humanly possible to meet their needs -- as long as it doesn't adversely affect my kids.

There is, however, one thing I can say say with certitude: some clients are worth losing, for your own sanity. Know when to cut the cord, respectfully of course, and work even harder for the clients who treat you well. Because when it's all said and done, the customer's always right (even when they're not).

Something’s Gotta Give

2009-07-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

Just for the record, there's no such thing as "work-life balance." But you already knew that. At the moment, I'm trying to improve my work-sleep balance, yet until we get through with this cross-country move, forget about it. (We are moving from the Bay Area to the Denver area in August, to be near extended family and make a change that we think will be better for our family for the long-term.)

Beyond working (or trying to), researching schools, packing up, seeing friends, and all the millions of details corresponding to moving your family to another city, my state of frazzledom is at an all-time high. Most working parents would agree -- and you don't even have to be moving to experience these feelings of chaos.

My good friend and work-at-home mom Joanna suggested I cover the topic of "what gives" which I have to say is always top of mind for me. We can't "do it all" even though we want to—so it's always a smart idea every several months to take stock of everything you have going on and to weed out a few things. And it's also an even better idea to prioritize how you're spending your time.

For me, here's what's most essential today in my life:

1. Three to fours hours of rejuvenating sleep per night during the week.
2. Spending time with my kids and occasionally even having a conversation with my husband.
3. Exercising rigorously at least 15 minutes per week to compensate for my chocolate habit.
4. Working at least enough to pay for daycare, girls nights, and miscellaneous items like groceries.
5. Reading at least 5 minutes, of any text whatsoever, before passing out in bed.

After that, comes the following:

1. Seeing friends.
2. Keeping the house relatively clean and with a walking path cleared at all times.

Here are the things that I no longer do, and possibly never did:

1. Shower every morning (ah, one of the lovely benefits of working from home).
2. Style my hair and wear cute, coordinated outfits (unless of course I'm actually getting out of the house to do something fun).
3. Make home-cooked meals every night.
4. Chat on the phone with friends and family (other than my mom).
5. Print photos and put them into albums.
6. Volunteer.

It's not that I wouldn’t like doing these things, but there's just no time at the moment.
And that's my message here: what must you keep and what must you get rid of to maintain your sanity?

Decide, before you implode. I'm always curious to know what other people have opted not to do any longer, or still do but in a modified fashion. For instance, I love to cook but most weeknights I am pulling something out of the freezer such as chicken tenders, fish sticks, veggie burgers, or throwing together a quick spaghetti and salad dinner, veggie stir-fry, or kitchen sink burrito. My husband and I don't use recipes too much anyway, but we certainly don't cook anything that takes longer than 10 minutes to prepare during the week. We still eat healthy, and buy fresh produce, but I can't beat myself up over the fact that my work day ends exactly when my kids are starving. There's just no patience for slow cooking around here.

I'm also fascinated by those people who are proficient when it comes to being highly efficient: making their kids’ lunches the night before, laying out their children's clothes the night before to avoid early-morning arguments about why a four-year-old cannot wear her holiday party dress to preschool, doing menu planning for the week and shopping on Sunday, having organic groceries delivered to their door, and a number of other strategies which of course I rarely deploy myself.

One thing I am excellent about, I must admit, is organizing my life on my iPhone. If I don't have all those tasks and calendar items right there at my fingertips, they will be forgotten, neglected, and my life will be in even a more hopeless state of disarray than it is now. Thank you, Apple, and thank you to my obsessive-compulsive, detail-oriented mother for those productivity genes.

What are your secrets? Please, write me and do tell.

I just have one final thing to add here, which is of the highest importance: if your spouse does not equally help with household and kid-related tasks, figure out a way to divvy them up pronto. In our house, I pretty much handle the playdates and social calendar, school details/tasks, homework supervision, doctor appointments, and a lot of the errands and shopping. My husband does a lot of the cooking, folds the laundry, helps clean and pick up, and does the hideous job of taxes and financial management. He also is a genius at playing tickle monster with the girls when I need a break. If your spouse cannot handle such responsibilities, I advise you to find a new one at your earliest convenience. And I'm dreadfully sorry, but mine is not available.

The joy of finding schools for your kids

2009-06-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was done arranging suitable academic environments for my children, I must do it all over again. My daughters are 4 and 6, and have been happily ensconced in our neighborhood elementary school (which miraculously, happens to be one of the most highly ranked schools in our district), and a fabulous preschool five minutes away. It was painful getting them placed in both of the schools: it took me an entire summer to find the preschool for Shelby, my older daughter, which thankfully is the same school which Campbell now attends. Our neighborhood school is over-capacity so we had to camp overnight on the school grounds to simply get on the waiting list. (We rent, but believe me, the homeowners in our neighborhood were beyond livid at how little impact their tax-paying dollars were doing in terms of getting them into their very own public school!)

We were 13th on the list, but somehow or another, through some divine intervention or fateful cancellations from kids ahead of us whose parents opted for private school, we were awarded a spot the summer before her kindergarten year.

It's been smooth sailing the last couple of years, but since we just decided to move to Colorado, now I must restart the process all over again. (Don't worry, I will address the myriad issues involved with moving and uprooting your family in the next couple of blogs… we've done it before, and it doesn't get any easier).

Is it just me, or is finding an appropriate school for your child exceedingly complicated?

Or is it that I, and other parents of my generation, make the process exceedingly complicated with our ridiculously high expectations?

Or have the schools just gotten altogether crappier and/or more expensive?

In truth, I enjoy having a choice in my children's education, but in today's world, parents must decide between a dizzying array of options: private schools, public schools, charter schools, magnet schools, Montessori schools, whole-child schools, "back to basic" schools, language-immersion schools, half-day, full-day, traditional school year, year-round school year, and on and on and on.

Private schools sap whatever disposable income you may have socked away for vacations, college tuition, or that beautiful six-piece redwood outdoor furniture set. If you enroll your child in public schools, which barely have enough budget to pay for teachers’ salaries and basic supplies, count on setting aside part of your budget (and schedule) for costly outside activities public schools used to offer: music, art, dance, foreign language, and on and on and on.

I'm traveling later this week to Denver, to spend some time in the western suburb of Golden where we plan to live for the next year, visiting preschools and scoping out some of the neighborhood schools. I've spent probably 20 hours this week on the phone and online researching schools, talking to parents (which can be helpful but also confusing), talking to principals, the school district, talking to my mother (which can be helpful but also confusing), and on and on and on.

This has left me virtually no time to work, much less keep up with social media and my blog. I had lunch with my dear friend and former colleague Howard today, who scolded me for ignoring my blog for two weeks. Thus, since I can think of nothing else to write about, here I am -- blogging about the challenges of working parents and school-age children. Here is the first hurdle: finding a full-day preschool program that isn't an institutional daycare in disguise. You know what I'm talking about: apathetic instructors, sterile-looking classrooms, too much free time, etc.

A friend of mine has her child enrolled in a wonderful preschool near Golden. It's essentially a farm, where the children get to play and learn about animals and nature in addition to their regular preschool activities. It sounds perfect for my high-energy child -- except that it's only 2 1/2 hours per day, three days a week. After my commute, that gives me a whopping six hours of work coverage. My mother said: “Oh why don't you just enroll her anyway, and I'll take care of her the rest of the time." (My parents also live in Golden).

This is coming from a woman who doesn't have time to do her mandated physical therapy exercises for her shoulder, because she has scheduled herself so thin with other activities such as tennis and golf, volunteering, friends, errands, and on and on and on.

Thus, I must find a preschool with the following criteria: the hours that I need (somewhere between 24 and 30 hours a week), caring and passionate teachers, a healthy learning environment, a focus on not only academics but also arts, plenty of time for fun and free play, a pleasant outdoor area, clean and spacious classrooms, and within my budget. There is also that indescribable, highly subjective "feeling" that one gets with the right school.

Because school is like a second home for your child, most of us look for some sort of emotional connection to the teachers and the program. You have to be comfortable with the setup for your kid's personality, and you want to have some commonalities with the other parents: too many people significantly below your income level gets awkward, too many people significantly above your income level will create another level of anxiety (for me) that basically, I just can't deal with right now. That's just one commonality, of course, but I do believe that socioeconomic differences can create issues if there's not a balance.

I also strongly believe that my kids should be exposed to diversity -- diverse backgrounds, races and religions. In Colorado, it's just not going to be the same as here in the Bay Area where a visit to the grocery store is like a visit to Heathrow airport. I am reconciling myself with this reality -- and also with the reality that in the short time frame that I have to arrange schools for my kids, I'm not going to be entirely satisfied with the result.

But maybe that's a good thing. This whole school business sometimes gets out of hand. Everyone seems to want the perfect environment for their children—at whatever cost. Whatever happened to adaptability? I think there's something to be said about finding the best environment you can to match your kid’s temperament and abilities, but also, not overanalyzing every aspect of it nor expecting a school that will transform your child into the next governor, Nobel scientist, or CEO.

And then there's the question of your own sanity; is there a true ROI from paying private school tuition if a public school is nearly as, or just as, strong? Is it really worthwhile to drive 15 miles out of your way twice daily for your child to attend a particular coveted school? It might be for some people -- I'm not sure it is for me, though.

My husband and I will undoubtedly spend a lot of time selecting schools for our kids -- but whatever happens, I also know that the best we can do for them is to be supportive, interested, and involved parents. If they end up with a B versus an A school next year, I have a hard time seeing how this is going to harm them in the long run. We can always transfer them elsewhere if things don't work out. But you can bet I’m going to have a few more wrinkles by the time August 24th rolls around.

Lowering expectations (can be) the key to happiness

2009-06-09T13:56:00.000-07:00

By nature, I'm an idealist. As a young girl, I wanted to be an artist. Later, I imagined myself a photographer -- but my practical, scientifically-oriented father (he holds a PhD in Geophysics) informed me that it would be best to seek a career that actually paid. Darn. Then I went on to journalism school, hoping to catapult myself into the world of foreign correspondents, or diplomacy. Naturally, my first job was with a small, barely funded local newspaper in the suburbs of Denver, writing about the high school prom, burglaries, new restaurants, foreign exchange students, and other glamorous topics—for $7 dollars an hour.

You get the picture. Life isn't always what we expect; in fact, often it's quite foreign from how we had envisioned it when we were wrinkle-free and had few worries other than final exams and whether Joe Hunk will ever call back. (the photo here is of a much younger me, as a college student in Italy...the world was my oyster!)

In my visions as a teen, I was going to be married at the age of 28, traveling internationally at least twice a year, living in a tranquil ocean-side home, doing meaningful, intellectually-stimulating, and well-paying work. Yep, that's just about how things have worked out—minus a few details. I do get paid well for my work, when I get it. So that part, thankfully, came true.

Disappointment comes in many different forms, I've learned.

Sometimes, our image of ourselves is cruelly-shattered, with no warning, from the people whom we love the most.

This morning, which happened to be my birthday, I was driving my four-year-old daughter to preschool, who cheerfully announced from the back seat: "I wish Cooper's mom was my mommy. She has really pretty hair and nice clothes and I really wish that she was my mommy."

Silence.
"Huh,” I replied, in my best "who cares" voice.
"But you are my sweetie lovey-girl mommy and I love you."

Somehow, she redeemed herself with that statement. But still—if I am not appealing to her now, what will she think when she's 13… and I am… over the hill?

As working parents, particularly those of the female genotype, we can be viciously hard on ourselves. We must be perfectly on time, intelligent and responsive to clients! We must always shop organic, cook delicious meals that are never from the freezer, and God forbid give our child a second cookie or more than 10 grams of sugar per day!

We must exercise regularly, straining our stomach muscles because they are the "core" of our physique and without the core we are toast, lift weights 4x/week to avoid the drooping shoulder syndrome of aging women, get plenty of rest, drink 64 ounces of water daily so that our skin doesn't look like a grey sack of potatoes by the time we are 40, use natural cleaning products, attend every field trip at the children's school, volunteer at the children's school at least once a week because they don't have enough help, blah blah blah.

I would like to offer, that it's okay, occasionally, to skip the regular workout. God, nor your mother, will judge you if you serve chicken tenders and pizza from the freezer -- two nights in a row. It's okay, occasionally, to have a glass of wine at 4 PM. You will still be a respectable person if you actually decide not to volunteer at school, church, or elsewhere this year, because you need time with your family.

It's particularly hard for some people to lower their standards and be content with what they can achieve without killing themselves— and look back with fondness at where they have come from and the good people in their lives they been fortunate enough to know and befriend. Because at a certain point, something's got to give—either your standards or your sanity. Trust me, from someone who's been on the other side of sanity at least once in her life, you don't want to go there.

Here's a benefit of working for yourself: when you have a slow week, that's an invitation to actually go do something that you couldn't do if you work in an office for the big mean boss: go to the gym for the "executive workout" in the hot tub, grab a book and head to your favorite coffee shop, call a friend, see a funny movie, walk your dog, shop for something relatively inexpensive yet frivolous. Oh, and here's a wild and crazy idea: take a nap.

If you're like me, and you feel guilty even thinking about doing such things when you could be working on your business, pursuing new clients, cleaning the floors, or revamping your webpage: don’t. I am now giving you a coupon for a guilt-free afternoon before the children come scampering and screaming home from school or daycare, demanding dinner in five minutes and your complete undivided attention at the same time.

Speaking of lowering expectations, we are doing a "staycation" next week, instead of spending money we don't have on a relaxing, lovely, inspirational, stunningly picturesque vacation at a beach resort. I expect to be disappointed -- but I'm also planning to surprise myself (and the little ones) with some fun things to do that don't cost a lot of money. We will go on nature hikes and collect rocks, splash around at the health club pool, eat take-out a couple of nights, and concoct munificent tropical drinks. The kids will stay up a bit late. We’ll eat yummy and occasionally unhealthy snacks. We will do as little housework as possible. And finally, we will lower our expectations about the experience -- and hopefully, be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Are we overdosing on social media?

2009-06-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

Social networking is the big buzz but sometimes it's just a big headache.

I signed up for Facebook perhaps 8 months ago. Linkedin has been a friend for a couple of years. And then after much procrastination, I joined Twitter one month ago. The other day, a respected colleague sent me an e-mail to join her on Plaxo. Of course, I did.

When does anyone have time to get any actual work done? I'm amazed, particularly when I go on twitter, to find some people posting up to 20 tweets a day. They're filling up my screen, and it's annoying. There should be a limit, don't you think? I'm also realizing, of course, that some people at corporations are actually getting paid to tweet as part of their jobs in PR, marketing, or customer service. Nice for them.

Here's my other gripe: Facebook is for mindless banter about personal life, IMHO. Must this also occur on twitter? I use twitter and LinkedIn for business. Twitter has become a newsfeed of sorts for me -- I can filter on topics of interest to me, such as healthcare, high-tech, and the environment. I wouldn't mind actually getting all of my news this way so that my e-mail inbox could be strictly about taking care of business tasks or messaging friends. So that's one good thing. But unfortunately, social media is all about narcissism and no matter where you go, people just have to talk about themselves in some fashion.

Now that I'm done complaining, I do want to tackle the issue at hand: have we gone overboard on social media? Is social networking simply consuming far too much of our personal and business lives, risking our human relationships and impeding productivity at work? Is there really any measurable and valuable return?

I watched a video briefly yesterday from a man (I'll call him Twitterstar) who has started a service to increase one’s twitter followers. He's now got 40,000 followers. Is that a good thing? Twitterstar certainly thought so, and bragged about his ability to gain nearly $20,000 in income from such followers. Well, that's something for sure. But how much time did he spend to get that $20,000, I wonder? His friend, who was on the video with him, remarked that Twitterstar had spent over 1000 hours on the site—which comes out to about $20 per hour. I wouldn't say that's a fabulous return.

There is a place for social media, but I think the smart business person has to be careful about how they use such sites and limit her actions strictly to business purposes. That's not including Facebook of course -- which is for late night diversion or a five-minute siesta from work in the middle of the day.

For all intents and purposes, social media is still an experiment and it’s still foggy, at least for me personally, how I am going to "monetize" my involvement in these various sites. However, I have pieced together a few basic rules for myself, as follows:

1. I share personal information about myself only on Facebook because I use that site to connect with friends, and friends only.

2. I do not accept friend requests from people whom I don't know well, much less can hardly remember from high school.

3. I do not accept LinkedIn requests from people whom I have never met or talked to on the phone or at least had a decent online conversation with and understand our common interests.

4. On working days, I limit my Facebook time to 10 minutes per day. I don't post everyday unless I have something somewhat useful or thought-provoking to post. (I try to put myself on the other side of that post).

5. I do not post more than 5 or 6 tweets a day, and I never tweet on the weekends.

6. I use any tools and methods I can to make my experiences with the sites more efficient. For instance, on LinkedIn, there are only a couple of groups I belong to that necessitate daily updates to e-mail – but most of my groups are set for weekly digest updates. On Facebook, my settings are such that nothing arrives in my inbox. I go to the site to read everything because I do not want more random stuff filling up my inbox. On twitter, I use an application called TweetDeck to interface with the site. I can do all of my posting and actions from there in a more automated fashion, and I love the way that I can create groups to organize my tweets. That way, I can read the most important stuff first and the other tweets only if I have time.

7. I make a point to use the phone for networking every week, and schedule at least one in-person meeting a month. I also attend a couple networking events every quarter. (See "Face-To-Face Networking Is Still Critical").

Everyone has to set their own rules and limits for social networking. The point is: make sure to do just that. Then you'll have more time for live human interactions, such as hanging out at the beach with your kids...

What are your thoughts on the intersection between social media and business? Are you making any money or deriving quantifiable business benefit from your time spent on these sites? Frazzled mom wants to know!

Face-to-face networking is still critical

2009-05-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

Last night I was making dinner for the kids when I realized that I had forgotten to RSVP for a business networking event that I try to attend from time to time. I had already had a long day of working and taking care of the kids, it was hot, and I was drinking a glass of wine, which didn't exactly help my motivation.

While eating with my family, I realized I hadn't met face-to-face with people for work-related matters in months. It's easy not to, with Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, e-mail, texting, and other forms of social media and digital communications.

Even phone calls can make us all feel like we are doing our part to stay human. But looking someone straight in the eye—there's just no substitution for that.

So I splashed some water on my face, brushed my hair, threw on something that looked nicer than a playdate and ran out the door.

Am I glad I did. I spent 30 minutes chatting with entrepreneurs and consultants in the green business sector, followed by a speaker, Steven Van Yoder (author of “Get Slightly Famous”) who discussed personal branding, and then a roundtable with introductions of everyone in the room. The networking event is called EcoTuesday, held in Palo Alto, and it's a super forum for people interested in environmental and sustainability issues and careers. (Currently, EcoTuesday has events in several cities. The photo here is from their site...lamo me can't do a caption yet).

I made a few contacts that may be important for my business, but more importantly, I got out of the house and talked to some real live people who weren't arguing about whose stuffed animal belongs to whom, or complaining about why they didn't get dessert. I hugged my friend Jeff Marcous of dharma Merchant Services, who’s moving his business and life from the Peninsula up to San Francisco to start a new chapter. I wished him well, and was glad I got to see him again before he becomes a hip urban resident, leaving me in the dust here in San Mateo.

On the drive home, I felt more connected, energized, and full of possibilities. I learned some cool things: such as the fact that the planet Mercury, which is currently in retrograde, will be back in alignment shortly after my birthday in early June (thank you, Universe). I learned about a company called Advanced Transit Dynamics Inc., and chatted with its sales rep, a wonderful woman named Whitney, who pitches aerodynamic trucking panels to trucking companies by promoting the gas-saving benefits. Blue-collar meets sustainability: what a concept.

I was going to talk about time management today, but I'm still trying to figure out that one. Especially now that I'm on Twitter and feel like I've spent way too much time tweeting this week. I have to get a handle on this social media before I lose my wits: of course, it's all about business, right?

In any event, pardon the pun, but get out of the house and go to an event. As soon as you can. Not only does this enable you to get away from your computer, the laundry, dirty kitchen, the regular evening meltdown of children of any age, but you'll undoubtedly learn something new, and exercise your charming social graces which have been hidden away behind that PC for the past untold months. You'll also run into at least one person to add to your social or business network.

For me, I'm interested in reconnecting with the delightful woman I met last night, Jane Hillhouse, founder of Final Footprint. (Check out her website for information on her concept for "green burials"). But the reason that I want to hang with Jane is to discuss astrology and whatever else might come of that: because she was funny, full of life, and I need people like that.

Do you attend networking events? How often and what value do they bring you?

Until next time, enjoy the rest of the week—and don't worry if you still feel frazzled by Friday happy hour. You won’t be alone….

Frazzled Working Moms at Home: Forget Balance, Forget Recognition…Seek Inspiration

2009-05-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Whenever I talk to my friends and tell them that I am a stay-at-home working mother, they all respond the same way:
"Oh you're so lucky, I would love to do that!”

And for the most part, I agree with them 100%. And here's why:

--I don't have to dress up. Or even shower.
--I get to spend time with my kids that otherwise would be spent commuting.
--I can work a flexible schedule and always have at least one full day off per week to be with the -kids or take care of errands.
--During breaks, I get to walk my dog on a beautiful sunny day.
--When I'm not too busy, I squeeze in errands, or trips to the gym.
--I am my own boss, and most days, I really like working for me.

But there's a downside. Your time is completely your own (well maybe not, if you happen to have a real boss) but it also feels incredibly divided, distracted, and not always productive. Even though you're at home, you have the license (and wrongly, the self-imposed obligation) to do laundry, clean up toothpaste from the kid’s bathroom mirror, lift weights, comb through catalogs for the latest deals, read the paper, and on and on and on. Those activities can easily take up 150% of your work day if you're not careful.

There's also loneliness. Which means, controlling the urge to log onto Facebook 15 times per hour and texting your friends to find out what they're making for dinner tonight.

Thus, I'm going to write about the triumphs and travails of a working stay-at-home mother, and I expect to hear a lot of stories from my like-minded colleagues who are currently perhaps writing a report for a client while simultaneously feeling guilty about the fact that they've missed volunteering at their kid’s school two weeks in a row, need to get their youngest child in for her four-year-old annual doctor's exam even though her birthday was two months ago, and wondering why the dog just threw up again, for the third day in a row.

I work 25 to 30 hours a week as a writer, editor, and communications consultant to businesses and websites. The rest of my time is spent taking care of the kids, the house, and all those other duties that stack up to remind you that you will never be bored or have a free moment for the rest of your adult life.

I love my flexibility, but sometimes I bemoan my lack of respect. My general feeling is that moms who work part-time from home are not always seen as valuable contributing members of society, but hobbyists. We just do this to fill the time, right? Others who wear nice clothes to work and sit in air-conditioned offices listening to completely useless banter from colleagues during meetings may not always think that we are bona fide professionals. My definition of a professional is someone who is good enough at something—anything—to actually make money doing it.

And my personal opinion is, women who work from home are fearless, multi-taskers who will never waste time in a meeting that has nothing to do with their job. Unless of course, a client is paying you to attend. The fact of the matter is, if you can't be highly efficient working at home, especially if you work for yourself, with piles of laundry and chores tempting you like Godiva truffles, you won't survive. We are not hobbyists: moms who work from home are helping to support their families, maintain their sanity, and contribute to the world. We just do it on odd schedules and we often wear gym clothes and have unwashed hair.

So if you get frustrated when your colleagues don't understand why you can't have meetings on Thursdays, even though you have told them repeatedly that Thursdays are your day off to do errands and spend with your kids, you’re not alone.

To my fellow stay-at-home working mothers: keep up the good work, and remember, it's okay to feel frazzled, out of control and unproductive. That just means you have a lot on your mind, a lot to take care of, and a lot of goals to achieve. It's all good.

Next week: organizing your time. That doesn't mean you need to have a set schedule. It just means, with the hours you have without kids to take care of, make the most of them, and determine the proper balance between personal activities and work activities.

And please, please, don't feel guilty, about anything…aside from not taking care of yourself, or serving partially-hydrogenated, corn-syrup loaded snacks to your children.